2022


2022-01-05: The Matrix Resurrections

Well, the movie sucks. Don’t get me wrong, the film by itself is not that bad, but it’s a huge disappointment compared to the original trilogy. Therefore, it gets the rating you’ve probably already read before reading my review and not 8/10 like the previous 3 movies.

The film itself feels like a high-budget professionally made masterclass piece of shit. The actor cast is not that bad and neither is the CGI, but the movie just lacks soul. It feels like the only thing the people making this film cared about is money and not entertainment.

By far the worst problem with this movie is the humor. And by “humor” I mean inserting as much meta-irony as possible wherever possible. Unfortunately to the authors, it just doesn’t work for one simple reason - there’s too fucking much of it. For the same reason, nostalgic elements (scenes with the footage from the original films) don’t work either. Other than the humor, I suppose they could’ve added more action. The closing act of the movie, which is the only part that actually feels decent, contains quite some of it, but they could’ve actually put effort into the rest of the film too.

The ending of the movie isn’t quite clear to me. Are they going to make a continuation? I hope not because they may fuck it up even more.

5/10

2022-01-20: Twilight (2008)

Wow, this movie is not that cringy. In fact, it’s not cringe at all. Yeah, I didn’t cringe once. It’s so not cringy, that I’D RATHER STAPLE MY BALLS ONTO A WALL THAN WATCH IT AGAIN. Seriously, what the fuck? Why is it soooo boring? Like, couldn’t they make a movie about something rather than nothing? Literally nothing happens in this film. It’s like I’m watching people do things just for the sake of it. 99% of this movie contains no action and no interesting plot. It doesn’t even feel like a film but rather a college project someone made with their spare money. I’d rather watch Neil Breen’s entire cinematography, and I’m not kidding. At least Neil Breen’s movies are weird, but this one isn’t even cringeworthy for fuck’s sake. Also Neil Breen’s movies have some sort of shitty but plot that is different in each movie. Here, however, they shot 5 films about the same fucking thing, and the first movie already contains virtually no plot. How dumb am I supposed to be to watch this? Eat shit, you fucking film.

3/10

2022-02-20: Fireheart

Don’t get me wrong, this movie is not that bad. However, for me personally, it was unbearable to watch. It was so fucking cringy that I spent half of the time with my eyes closed, wishing that I can finally go home. The cringe was caused by basically everything. The characters were doing incredibly stupid things that were not even a bit funny, which was additionally flavored by the dysfunctional slow motion scenes and awkward emotional moments. The only part I could tolerate was the final action scene, but even it was cheesy as hell. Overall, I don’t recommend watching this film. I know it’s a movie for children, but unless your child is 5, even they probably won’t like it too much.

3/10