Food


Yes, I’ve never tried good food in my entire life.

200X-XX-XX: tap water

A robust solution for hydrating yourself coupled with a great taste and unmatched availability. What else do you need?

10/10

200X-XX-XX: sea salt

Yes, I eat raw salt. Please don’t ask.

9/10

200X-XX-XX: sparkling water

Literally the worst shit ever.

2/10

200X-XX-XX: vinegret

I can’t possibly imagine what kind of drug you have to be on to tolerate this kind of shit. This “salad” is pure evil that consists of the worst combination of vegetables and seasoning possible, and I want to puke just by looking at it. Under no circumstance am I gonna eat this meal, even if someone tries to force me. I had enough of it in my childhood, so no, thank you.

2/10

200X-XX-XX: Grandma’s borscht

You may be surprised, but I do actually like it. Yes, I know, it’s basically vinegret with additions, but I can’t describe how much better it tastes. There’s just something about it being a soup and not a salad and better proportions of the ingredients that bring it from the shit tier to the pretty good tier.

8/10

200X-XX-XX: Grandma’s pancakes

Recipe

  1. Mix all of the ingredients in a bowl.
  2. Pour onto a frying pan in thin layers.
  3. Flip the pancake when it’s cooked.

Review

This is the only kind of pancakes I can tolerate.

9/10

201X-XX-XX: paper

What? You didn’t expect eating paper from a person who eats raw salt? Well, too bad. In any case, paper is the kind of meal which quality varies greatly. For example, non-bleached paper tastes pretty good. You can usually tell it apart by the yellowish tint. Bleached paper, however, doesn’t. And that thick paper on which photos are printed tastes even worse. And of course, the elephant in the room is that you’ll fuck up your stomach by eating it because it’s fucking paper. But other than that, it’s not too bad.

6/10

2017-XX-XX: Twister ice cream

It’s the cheapest ice cream I’ve ever had, so I can’t really complain about its quality, but I’d say it’s still pretty good. It’s not just some flavored ice on a stick but an actual something that you can call an “ice cream.” When you don’t want to spend much money, this is the best choice of ice cream you have, assuming you have it in your country.

7/10

2018?-XX-XX: Grilnitsa Tsarskaya shawarma

Basically, this is the perfect shawarma. It tastes like no other shawarma I’ve ever tried and does it in a good way. As far as I understand, this is achieved by using high-quality ingredients and food processing technology. One drawback of this is that it’s kinda expensive, but I can assure you that paying this price is worth it.

10/10

2018?-XX-XX: microwave sandwich

Recipe

  1. Take a slice of bread
  2. Put salami on the bread
  3. Put cheese on the salami
  4. Put the whole thing in the microwave for 40 seconds

Review

Surprisingly, it’s pretty good. It doesn’t taste too bad and is really easy and quick to make, so that’s why I did it so many times. Of course, there is better food you can make by yourself, but overall why not eat it if you have an opportunity?

7/10

2021-01?-XX: KFC cheeseburger

This is by far the best meal you can get at KFC. To begin with, it’s really cheap. For less than $1, you get 2 chicken strips wrapped with bread and sauce. Additionally, the quality of these ingredints is quite high, and the whole thing doesn’t taste like it’s some kind of bullshit you can get at a soviet school canteen. For example, the strips actually taste like chicken and not some overfried patty made out of questionable meat. And lastly, it’s taste is just unbelievably good. Even compared to other more expensive KFC burgers, it’s quite remarkable. The cheese sauce fits the chicken perfectly and the onion and pickles only improve this perfection.

10/10

2021-02?-XX: echpochmak

Not a very interesting meal. It’s just boiled meat wrapped in baked dough. Sounds pretty mediocre to me. Wouldn’t recommend.

6/10

2021-02?-XX: Borjomi mineral water

Пиздец.

1/10

2021-05-08: {McDonald’s,Burger King} Heinz cheese sauce

This is by far the worst substance I’ve ever got from a fast food place. It literally tastes like stale sour cream. Please don’t repeat my mistakes and don’t try it.

3/10

2021-06-26: Lenta chicken nuggets

Despite them being a grocery store product, they’re pretty good. I’d probably say they’re even better than KFC chicken nuggets, thus of course, better than McDonald’s ones. Specifically, I really like the breadcrumb breading, which tastes much better than regular flour. The quality of the chicken meat itself is quite remarkable too.

7/10

2021-06-26: Wikibooks fish and chips

This is the meal I wanted to try for a long time. Unfortunately, there were no places that sell them in my city, so the only choice I had was to try home-made ones. As you can see, I chose a recipe from Wikibooks, and I can probably say I’m satisfied. I wouldn’t say we followed the recipe too closely because we made a few alterations such as not serving the thing with lemons, but to be fair, we did use cod despite it being one expensive son of a bitch. The meal itself turned out pretty good. We fucked up the chips a little bit, so they weren’t as good as, for example, KFC fries, but still they were pretty edible. The fish was fantastic though. It didn’t look quite like the picture on Wikibooks (specifically, the batter was more gray than brown), but it didn’t affect the taste in any way. Overall, I’d say it’s pretty good, and I would completely justify eating food like this everyday have I been British.

8/10