12 - December


Welcome to another elephant in the room. This time, I’m writing half of the first paragraph in VK.

And another half of it in Discord. Ain’t that cool?

So yeah, the bot now works in both directions. Pretty cool. Other than the bot, I also moved my website to the VPS, thought there are still some connections to Neocities I need to get rid of. Other than that, I did absolutely nothing today. No homework, no nothing. I did go outside a couple of times but only to buy food (not fast food). I have quite some stuff to do like the P.E. work, so I guess I’ll try to force myself to begin tomorrow.

By the way, my sleep schedule seems to be getting better. I fell asleep today at 1 AM and not 3 AM. Let’s hope I don’t fuck it up today.


Fell asleep at 2 AM and woke up at (!) 2 PM. My prediction was the exact opposite of correct. My plan for today was to do some homework and watch some movies. Even though I half-assed it, I did it. I managed to almost fix my networks website report (I still need the front page and a longer abstract; please help me), and… yeah that’s it. Out of the movies, I managed to watch only one because it was too late. It was the anime film my friend had recommended me. It was fucking garbage, but it was the kind of fucking garbage I needed. I’m thankful to her. At 9 PM, we finally had a voice conference dedicated to the internship. I didn’t understand anything, but I guess the sole fact of it happening means we’re no longer doing nothing. Great?


Uninteresting. I think I feel asleep at 2 AM again, but I woke up at 11 AM and got up at 12 PM. Not as bad as last time. The only productive thing I managed to do is the first half of the P.E. assignment. In other words, I did fucking nothing, and I still need to do the other half. Then my sister invited me to go to the mall again. For some reason, I agreed again. She spent, like, 600 rubles on her handcrafts shit, and I spent a little bit over 100 rubles on 2 chicken burgers from Burger King. By the time we got home, it was already 4 PM. I moved a couple more of my websites to the VPS and enabled 2FA on a couple more accounts. Then I was going to watch the film my friend had recommended me, but it was downloading too slowly, so I watched another movie instead. I guess I’ll watch her one in January. That’s it for the fucking day. Please someone kick my ass so I’m more productive.

A couple more details. First, I burned my tongue again. I did it back when I ate that damn burger. This shit is gonna haunt me for several days again. Second, I’m really tired. I can’t even describe how I am. I just don’t want tomorrow to happen because I’ll have to go through the same cycle again. Maybe it’s because my sleep schedule or maybe it’s because I need more variety in my life, I don’t know. It’s not like anyone can help me, right. So uhhhh, I guess I’ll keep suffering.


It only got worse. I think I still feel asleep at 2 AM but got up at almost 2 PM. That was definitely too much sleep. All I managed to do is the second half of the P.E. task. Nothing else. And it also sucks of course. I went outside once in order to buy a small shawarma, though I was going to buy sushi instead. I also had an English class as usual, but it was remote because the teacher is still sick or something. So overall, the day still sucked. I’m not sure how I’m going to survive the rest of this internship.


My sleep schedule is fucked, and so am I. The schedule itself didn’t get much worse (I feel alseep at 2 AM and woke up at 2 PM, resulting in 12 hours of sleep), but the day did. It felt like nothing. It was as if I woke up, and boom, it’s already time to go to sleep. In other words, the cycle I was talking about not only continues but has also got worse. Something tells me it’ll keep getting worse each day until I fucking explode. God, this internship is not going well. I really need to do something.

The day itself? Well, I managed to force myself to write down a few lab work lecture summaries I was supposed to do a long time ago. I also fixed up my thesis report like I’d already done it with the networks report and added an index page to the latter. In other words, not much. I also updated my website and canceled my Neocities Supporter subscription. As you can tell, there are still updates in my feed, which means that Marijn’s method worked. That’s it? Man, I wish I did more. I mean I still have time, but it’s already night, so I don’t know if I can force myself to.


Success? Nah, more like failure. So guess what, I actually managed to fall asleep early (at midnight) and wake up early (at 11 AM). This was still too much sleep, but at least I had more time today. However, having time didn’t help. It was nice that the day didn’t fly by so quickly, but there was still a problem. I couldn’t do anything. And it’s not like I didn’t try. Out of my homework, I did, again, nothing. I tried to format my thesis report (add a frame), but Microsoft Word™ decided that I’m not worthy. When I tried to paste my text into the template, it just fucking blew up. The page styles that were applied were wrong, and the text itself was going out of bounds. Out of my personal stuff, I did actually manage to do something, but it’s so insignificant that it doesn’t count. I added licenses and readmes to some of my projects that didn’t have them. It took me only a few dozen minutes. I’d be very happy to continue my rant, but unfortunately, I feel drugged again. This time, it’s very very bad. So excuse me, I’m out. Hopefully, what I already wrote isn’t nonsense.


Complete opposite of yesterday. In other words, this day sucked but in a different way. As I mentioned, I felt extremely drugged yesterday, so I ended up not falling asleep until 3 AM and not waking up until 2 PM. I couldn’t fall asleep for hours, and when I did, it felt like nothing. I woke up feeling like shit, but it did get a bit better as the day went on. Just like yesterday, I did get outside once, but instead of going to KFC, I went to the grocery store that is 2 meters away from my house. Now let’s get to the part of the diary entry where I shamelessly read you my todo list and pretend I’m creative. In terms of college stuff, I managed to make Microsoft Word work by inserting 2 dummy pages instead of 1. I additionally asked my dad’s friend’s employee to help me, but he couldn’t. In terms of my website, I fixed 1 (one) typo, did a general update, and wrote down another cringy story. In terms of other tech stuff, I updated the server dotfiles (which are now public, by the way), added a “license” to my networks website project, and unsubscribed from emails by Wix and WordPress so my mailbox is not as cluttered. That’s about it. See ya!


Insomnia. It’s back, babyyyyy! Today was even worse than yesterday. Even though I fell asleep at, like, 2 AM and not 3 AM, I went to bed a few hours earlier. I spent several hours in bed desperately trying to fall asleep, but it just didn’t happen. The sleep itself was awful. I barely got any rest and also almost forgot the dream right after waking up. That’s what a bad sleep schedule does to you, kids. Don’t repeat my mistakes.

Today was surprisingly productive. That’s weird because I felt like absolute ass after waking up. Right off the bat, I managed to do 4 of the 6 software development lab works. Impressive, ain’t it? Then I did a few updates to my website I was supposed to do a long time ago. I enabled HTTP/2 and installed fail2ban. Now it’s both as fast as Sonic™ and as strong as Godzilla™. My website meanwhile got a few updates too. I updated my subscription list but then changed my mind and removed it from my website. Why? Well, I’m too lazy to update it. So I just made my YouTube subscriptions public instead lmao. I also finally updated the wishlist and the project journal. Again, I should’ve done this a long time ago, but I was busy. I also made a few corrections to one of my articles. Finally, I fixed the readme for my websites which still featured Neocities instructions. As you can see, not bad for just one day even in spite of the English courses class. I hope it stays like this. Well, maybe with an additional walk outside because I didn’t have one today.


Uninspiring. My insomnia was still there today when I fell asleep, but my mom gave me a sleeping pill. It caused a few minor hallucinations but then actually let me sleep. The quality of the sleep was poor, but at least I didn’t have to lie in bed for hours. The day itself was unproductive even though I tried. No homework at all was done today. I had one walk outside literally 10 minutes ago in order to buy French fries for my sister and shawarma for myself. A few minor updates were done to my website - I updated the credits to properly mention Neocities and edited the Neocities button so it’s more clear that they don’t actually host me anymore. The rest of the time today was spent trying to improve my online privacy. Yes, privacy for a person who has her entire life online. The major part of this “improvement” was to delete unused accounts and change the passwords I haven’t changed in a long time. And well, it’s still in progress. Hopefuly, I’ll finish it today. It’ll also require removing a few links off my website, but that’s the least of my concerns.


Sudden sadness strikes again. This time, I wasn’t even too happy, but now I feel sad regardless. If you still don’t understand what I’m talking about, it’s the same kind of effect that happened to me after I played Deltarune: Chapter 2 or watched some nice anime. In any case, I managed to fall asleep by myself today without a drug. It did take an hour, but still. I woke up pretty late at, like, 1 or 2 PM, and right after I did, I had to go with my mom to buy some washing liquid for clothes. It was freezing cold outside, so I not only froze my testicles but also got tired of carrying the bags. By the time we got home, it was already 3 or 4 PM. I spent the rest of the day changing every single one of my passwords for no reason. It took an extraordinary amount of time and was also exhausting. I have no idea why I did it in the first place, but one fact is certain - I wasted the whole fucking day.


Sick. And not only me. First, my sister got ill, then my grandma did. Now it’s my turn. Hopefully, my parents won’t be affected by this problem. So yeah, now I not only have a shitty mood and can barely fall asleep but also feel like literal shit. For this reason, this day was wasted too. I managed to make the networks presentation but it sucks and is missing an index page. I tried to begin making the thesis presentation too but failed. Other than that, I did nothing today but suffer. I even had to skip the English class. I hope the sickness doesn’t last long.


Still sick. However, I still was trying my best to not let myself down and be productive. I still couldn’t get outside because of high body temperature but was trying to do as much as possible inside. I fell asleep at about 1 AM and woke up at 8 AM, which means I finally didn’t get too much sleep. But I still lied in bed for 4 hours doing nothing, but I guess that doesn’t count. When I finally got out of bed, I finished the thesis presentation. Or well, not finished but did the main part. I still need to make a conclusion and speech I’m gonna be narrating over the presentation. In terms of my personal stuff, I finally deleted my Soundcloud account because I don’t even use it. Everything from there was moved to my YouTube channel. Then I drew a logo for libinput-config and made a few adjustments for jamtext. Now it prints stuff better and is less confusing. I wanted to also make the root element always an object but decided not to. Finally, I did the challenge my friend and I made up - to write a snake in C#, which I hadn’t done for some reason. It only took me about 2 hours to do it. It’s probably buggy but Works On My Machine™. That’s about it for the day. As you can see, not that bad actually. I wish it doesn’t suddenly get worse.


Yesterday was productive, which means I did absolutely nothing today. Fell asleep at 2 AM, woke up at 12 PM. Spent a few hours on discord, then my dad and I went to some shithole to show my passport because apparently they forgot to update the database or something. I have no idea. So yeah that’s it. Nothing else interesting. Well, I did a minor update to my website (enabling proper caching to cheat Google Lighthouse), but it doesn’t count. Hopefully, tomorrow I’ll begin doing something again.


Guess what, today I didn’t do shit either. My guess that it’ll suddenly get worse was completely correct. My sleep schedule today was about the same, meaning I still slept too much. I didn’t manage to do any homework and, overall, could barely sit on the chair. For my website, I finally removed the SoundCloud account link because I’d deleted my account and added Twilight (2008) to my watch list because my friend told me I’ve gotta watch this film. Well, we’ll see. For my server, I replaced the crontab with a proper systemd timer and also discovered that I can access the default server. I need to disable it somehow. I also finally played my monthly dose of video games by playing the John Cena Dating Simulator. Hopefully, tomorrow I’ll actually begin doing something again.


Nothing happened. This time literally. I fell asleep at 3 AM and woke up at… THREE FUCKING PM. And guess what, only an hour later, I fell asleep again and woke up only when the English class began at 6 PM. This means I’ve slept at least 14 hours today. Right when I’m writing this, it’s already almost 8 PM, and I haven’t done anything today at all. Brilliant!


Still nothing. I don’t remember when I fell asleep and when I woke up, but I feel like I still slept for too long. When I woke up, my sister invited me to the cinema. For some reason I agreed. The movie was just a bit shitty. After the movie, we went to KFC where she bought herself 20 chicken nuggets and I bought 1 Chefbuger™ and one regular cheeseburger. I wanted to buy 2 Twisters but couldn’t find them in the menu. Our trip was problematic because we could barely enter the mall and the cinema because she didn’t take any documents that verify that she’s underaged. At home, I discovered that CentOS Stream is a bleeding edge distro, so I decided to upgrade to Rocky Linux. It was pretty easy, though I had to write to the support to change the OS marker on my server. It only took them 2 minutes, so it’s not that bad. Tomorrow, I swear I’ll start being productive again.


Slightly productive. Fell asleep at 3 or 4 AM and woke up at about 1 PM. No cinema this time. In fact, only one walk outside too. I did a few things I was supposed to do a long time ago. I fixed ethmenu so it properly works with new Pango and better parses hidden desktop entries. I could barely upload it to PyPI for some reason. Also I taught my Discord bot to break up long messages from VK. It’s probably buggy, but idk, I tested, and it works. Also I helped another random person from Neocities by making their website mobile friendly. And now the elephant in the room - I actually did something related to college. Wow! I added conclusions to the thesis and the networks presentations and also wrote a speech for the latter. I’ll write one for the former tomorrow. I hope.


Cursed. I mean literally, some kind of curse must be following me. Guess when I fell asleep today. Huh, 4 AM? WRONG. I fell alseep at SIX FUCKING AM. Yes, I’m not kidding. 6 AM. And not only that, but I also felt drugged. For obvious reasons, the sleep quality was poor, and I woke up at 2 PM. So yes, that’s fucked up, but other than sleep, something actually happened today. I made a shitty drawing to celebrate my friend’s birthday and made a few updates to my website. I also had a nice long walk with my mom. Currently, I’m trying to dualboot Windows 11 and Fedora on my laptop. I already installed Windows and am currently configuring Linux. It’s kinda painful but not much. Hopefully, it goes well.

By the way, guess what, I skipped my English class today. What an irresponsible student I am.


Let’s get straight to the point. Sleep: 3 AM to 3 PM. Walks: one. Anything else happening: almost none. I finished configuring my laptop. Or did I? I must’ve surely forgot to do something. Other than the laptop, I bought a $1 domain name for trolling purposes. Hopefully, I won’t get sued for it. I don’t know what else to talk about. Nothing else happened today. I guess after I take a shower, I’ll also get clean today, but that’s not interesting.

The internship is almost over, and I not only haven’t done a report, but I also didn’t finish doing other college stuff. What do I do? I don’t know lmao.

I’ve been recently worried about my slur usage. Both online and in real life. I feel really bad for using them, and I don’t know what to do with that. I guess I can stop using them, but it won’t do anything with the fact that I’ve already used them in the past. I guess the best I can do is talk about it here.


Nothing. Literally nothing. I spent the whole day doing nothing productive. What a fucking irresponsible idiot I am! The only things I did were making a slight update to my website and silencing a few online services so they stop sending me emails and notifications. I guess it means I can finally live in peace, but the internship is almost over, and I haven’t finished doing the college stuff yet. I really really hope tomorrow I’ll miraculously get productive again. Otherwise, I’ll have a big big problem.

My grandma wasn’t doing well, so we called an ambulance, and now she’s gonna spend a few days in the hospital. The ambulance itself took a few hours to arrive and a few hours to leave. That’s kinda weird but expected from this country.

I ate too much.


Still just as unproductive. In fact, I spent most of the day lying in bed with my eyes closed but not sleeping. The only thing I did today that actually matters is scheduling a psychiatrist appointment because I ran out of the corrector. I also tweaked my HTTP server a bit and tried to redraw my profile pic to match newer OSes but failed because it looked horrible. That’s fucking it. I wish I could talk more but literally nothing else happened.


Uhhhhhhhh… Success? Yesterday, I spent the whole day wanting to sleep, and guess what, I slept today. Last time I skipped the English class, and today, I did the task I skipped. The intership is about to end, and today, I finally stole index pages for my presentations. So as you can see, I actually did something today. Unfortunately, I’m still not satisfied because I didn’t do anything related to my website or other projects. But still, something is better than nothing.

I’ve recently been really into Windows 9x. I guess I should install Windows ME/SerenityOS on a VM so it goes away. Or, you know, maybe even update my website to include even more 90s stuff. If anyone has any ideas that can scratch this itch, feel free to contact me.


Still success? Not as good as yesterday but still not that bad. For example, I fell alseep at 3 AM and woke up at 1 PM, but I didn’t quite feel like shit. So the main task for today was to write a thesis speech. I did it, but there’s one tiny problem with it. IT’S SIX FUCKING PAGES LONG. I mean, sure, you can slim it down to 2 or 3 pages by making the font as tiny as possible and removing all margins, but still it’s 6 pages of readable text. I’m not sure if someone’s gonna actually sit through it or if I’m just gonna get kicked out of the stage. In any case, I don’t care, and I’m glad about the sole fact that I finally did it. Another thing I did today was making a knockoff Gunbuster 3 T-shirt. Well, I did the print part, and now I need to actually print the print. The last thing I wanted to do today was installing Windows ME, but I gave up. It’s too hard to install something while using the hardware and the software that’s 21 years newer than needed. I even tried to install Windows 2000 but to no avail either. I guess I’ll have to resort to using a virtual machine. As usual. In any case, I still have my website, right. We’ll see tomorrow.


Adventurous, relatively speaking. I fell asleep at, like what, 3 or 4 AM. I had a doctor appointment at 2:15 PM, so I had to wake up at 12 PM. I didn’t, but waking up at 1 PM didn’t make things much worse because I live in the center of the city, babyyyyy. So the appointment itself went fine - I told her I’m outta the corrector, she gave me a prescription and said we’ll try a new one next year. Upon arriving back home, I remembered that my English teacher (the one from college not the courses one) wanted me to do some task. The task was to pass some English tests for some poor university student, and well, I did it. The tests were fucking bullshit that don’t actually test anything, but. But. I got 1000 rubles for these crimes. Hell yeah! I actually earned some money. At first, I thought she fucked up and transferred money to my phone, but she actually didn’t. Now I have more money to buy stupid domain names, yay. After this shit, I spent a few hours doing nothing but then remembered that I have to print my networks report because we present it tomorrow. Unfortunately, our printer broke, so I had to go print it for money somewhere else. In fact, I had to go 2 times because their Microsoft Office couldn’t correctly parse my LibreOffice files. So yeah, now I have everything printed with hopefully no typos. Still however, my presentation is 30 thousand slides long, so I’m fucked regardless lmao. We’ll see tomorrow how much I really am.


Uhhhhhhhhhhhhh… The presentation got canceled? Like, we just came into the classroom, she checked our reports, and we were free to go home. No presentation at all? I’m not sure how it all happened, but now we’re free until Monday when we have an exam. After coming back home, I took a long nap (also known as “sleep”). I think it was about 5 hours long - from 11 AM to 4 PM. Then my mom, my sister, and I went to the supermarket and bought 4.5k rubles worth of food. Luckily though, we only had to pay 200 rubles because she somehow had found a shitton of gift cards. Now I guess we’re gonna leave of the food we bought until the New Year, or more realistically, eat everything right now.

Ah yes, by the way, the internship is now over, and I haven’t done shit. If I understand correctly, neither have most of my friends. Today we were told that we have to hand out the reports before the New Year, which means that… I’m fucked. There’s less than a week left, and I’m completely clueless about what to do. I guess I’m gonna just hope that everything goes right and I somehow manage to do it. Like, you know, as usual.


Sleep. That’s what I spent the whole day doing. I fell alseep at the midnight, I think, and woke up at 8 AM, but then I fell asleep again multiple times in a row. Long story short, I ended up being in bed up until 4 PM. 16 hours of sleep. Impressive, right? In any case, the rest of the day wasn’t much productive. Tomorrow we’re supposed to hand over our final report prints and sit an exam, so I was supposed to fix my report and learn the exam questions. I, of course, managed to half-ass both of those things. I mostly fixed the report (the exception being the conclusion of the whole thing, for which I don’t have neither imagination nor determination) and took a glance on the questions. Note that I didn’t even print the fucking thing. Now I’ll be supposed to somehow print it in college and then hope that I either get an automatic pass or easy questions. In other words, I’m fucked. Not as much but probably for real this time. Wish me luck.


Successn’t. The exam itself went fine. I was one of the first 5 people to sit it, and the questions I got were easy. Just like I expected. There were 3 questions - 2 theoretical ones (I got one about software development tools and one about web application architecture) and 1 practical one. But you see, the practical question was also theoretical because while you needed to use HTML, you also had to answer a question using it. In any case, the questions were no problem to me. After the exam, I nearly forgot to but did hand over my report which I had printed. It was still a bit fucked up (or maybe it wasn’t, I don’t fucking know), but she didn’t bat an eye. After this whole thing, I went back home and fucking fell asleep for 5 hours. It may not sound that bad to you, but WE’RE PRESENTING THE FUCKING THESIS TOMORROW. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fucbj gub gn gu vfucj funxtbhufg vghh vgvgu gjv. Not only I haven’t practiced my speech, but I also haven’t fixed the front page and haven’t even printed it. And guess what, the presentation starts at 9 AM, which means I’ll have nowhere to print it. This time, I’m fucked for sure.


Fuckedn’t. Mostly. I was completely demoralized when I woke up, but the things didn’t go that bad. I woke up at 7 AM, and by 8 AM, I was at a printing company. Unfortunately, there was a giant queue, so I had to leave after waiting for half an hour. Luckily, when I arrived, I managed to convince my groupmate who’s also a teacher to let me print my shit. Back then, I didn’t know I had fucked up in my report, and I’ll likely have to reprint it, but eh, who cares. So the presentation itself. I was the last one, which means I had to sit through 15 people’s rambles. This was exhaustingly awful, but I was strong enough. In the end, I presented my shit, and everyone lived happily forever after. After coming back home, I suddenly started feeling drugged (at 1 PM!), but I managed to fall asleep. That’s it? Yes, I wasted the third day in a row by sleeping for several hours. Don’t blame me cause all I want is sleep.


Nothing happened. I didn’t sleep all day long but still managed to do absolutely nothing of any value to me. Until 4 PM, I was lying in the bed and/or eating. After that, I spent several hours drawing icon animations for my website. It took me a couple of hours to draw an opened folder. What a waste of time. And so, like, that’s all for today. Hopefully, tomorrow I’ll start crossing stuff off my todo list.

My friend just found a vulnerability in my server. It turns out because I hadn’t set the default HTTPS server, all of my redirects were redirecting to my joke domain when using them with HTTPS. I fixed it by setting test.bruh.ltd as the default server and adding HTTPS to the redirect domains. Hopefully, I won’t fuck up like this again.


The whole day was wasted on making a button wall for my website. I fell asleep at 6 AM and woke up at 1 PM. First, I made a proof of concept wall with 1 button. It took me, like, an hour or two. Then I went through all of my Neocities subscriptions looking for buttons. I found 63 more buttons, which took me over 3 hours. Then I put the whole thing together and realized that if I leave it as it is, it’ll DDOS my server. In fact, it did, and I accidentally IP banned myself. So I had to rewrite the button rendering logic in JavaScript, which took another hour or two. Now everything works, I guess? And just like this, the whole day was spent on a minor page. Tomorrow is the New Year, and hopefully it won’t be awful.


I feel drugged, so let’s be quick. I woke up at 8 AM and went to the cinema with my family. The film fucking sucked. We went back home, including barely alive frozen me. I made a few minor changes to the website, on which I spent the whole day. I split the 2019 theme into two - one for the light theme and one for the dark theme. I also added optional WebP support to the button wall. By “optional” I mean it works just fine on old macOS Safari even though it doesn’t support WebP. I also planned to add an autoreload feature so it works with my shitty Internet connection, but it seems like not today. Or well, “today” because I’m writing this entry the next day because I missed the midnight. In any case, happy New Year, folks!