11 - November


2021-11-01

The first day of the actual 7 days off, which are a part of what I called a “9 day weekend.” I’d say that it’s been disappointing so far. The main problem is that I feel like shit. Not paranoid but just unhappy. The reason for it’s probably because I might sick. This time, it’s not a malfunctioning drug that needs a corrector but some intestinal motherfucker. Like you know, a bacteria or a virus. Basically, my stomach hurts all the time, I have diarrhea and absolutely no appetite. I suspect the food I eat just doesn’t digest. If that sounds a whole lot like what’s happening to my sister, that’s for a reason. As I mentioned there’s a possibility that I infected her, however, there’s also a possibility that she infected me. In any case, now I probably need to go to the… intenstinologist? But only after I go to the cardiologist. Regardless, the day itself was uninteresting. I did a very minor update for libinput-config and spent most of the day on a single network software lab work. I really hope it gets better soon because, otherwise, this weekend will only leave me more tired.

Okay so, the English competition. The one I was forced to pay 200 rubles for by my teacher. If I understand correctly, it consists of only one 20 question long test. So, uh, I did it? It was too easy, so maybe that’s not the end. In any case, it means I did more stuff today, so I’m now not as disappointed.

Cool, I finally threw up. Afterwards, my mom gave me some pills, so it should get better. She says my sister had a virus infection, so who knows, maybe I have one too.

2021-11-02

Did I really expect anything other than more nightmare? Try to guess how many hours I’ve slept today. 6? 3? 1? WRONG. I’ve slept 0 fucking hours. And if that wasn’t enough, my stomach was in great pain all this time, so I suffered twice as much. But at least luckily, I didn’t shit myself at night. Because it was so bad, I decided to skip today’s psychiatrist appointment and wait for a better time. After “waking up,” I immediately went to the bathroom and took a big liquid shit. Then I spent a few hours doing nothing trying to start doing homework. Then boom, the English class. I forgot that we’d even have it today. After the class, I finally started doing my networks website project, and yeah, that’s about it. I spent the rest of the day on it. The markup and styles suck big-time, but at least it looks sorta alright. The teacher may not be happy that I’m doing it in English and that the home page is pretty minimalist, but we’ll see. I’d try to do it like everyone else does, but resisting the urge to make a unique piece of shit is nearly impossible. So hopefully, I’ll be just fine this time too.

2021-11-03

Pretty much like yesterday but with less diarrhea and puking. This time, I actually managed to get some sleep, though I wish I got more. The whole day was wasted on the fucking same networks project. Have I even mentioned that the topic is an airport. Yeah, and I have no fucking idea how airports work. In any case, today I managed to write contents for the majority of the pages. It still sucks, but now there’s more of it. Additionally, my friend convinced me to translate everything into Russian to avoid potential problems with the teacher. Tomorrow I’ll continue adding pages and polishing stuff, and hopefully, it’ll be finished soon, and everyone will be happy. Or not. Right now, I guess, I’m going to update my website and maybe even sleep.

2021-11-04

Eveything went to shit. The only thing I managed to do today is to fill the last 2 pages of my networks project - the news and the schedule. Now it’s finished… kinda? You see, it sucks fucking balls. I could barely put any effort into it, so it’s pretty bare bones and unimpressive. My groupmates, while most likely not being able to make a custom theme like I did, would probably make something looking more compelling. But hey, I guess I still did enough to get a C, and it’s all that matters. So yeah, that’s literally the only thing I managed to do today. The rest of the day was spent doing nothing and feeling bad about it just like I used to do. You’d think I’d at least spend my newly found free time going outside and enjoying the nice weather, but no I fucking didn’t. I was outside only once and with my father. He gave me a lift to a restaurant where I bought a shawarma. The flavor was called “Muzhskaya,” which means “masculine.” It was alright, I guess? The pickles and onion were pretty good, but for some reason, it also had omelette, and it kinda spoiled the experience. In conclusion, this day was wasted. I hope the rest of the “weekend” won’t be.

Shit, I forgot to mention a few things I’ve recently did. So I updated to Fedora 35. Eveything went fine with no major breaks. I also switched back to Google from DuckDuckGo because of better search results. That’s it?

Third paragraph, wow! First of all, I feel drugged. But don’t worry, it’s once again only slight. My eyes don’t even roll up. Second, regarding my poisoning situation, I think I’m mostly fine now. I still do have diarrhea, but it’s not as bad, and my stomach no longer hurts and makes me puke. So uhhhh, the things aren’t that bad?

2021-11-05

HAHAHAHAHA. Did you actually expect me to be productive today? Fools! I spent the whole day doing absolutely nothing. And you know what? I don’t even feel bad about it. Fuck it. My life sucks enough, so I can afford a couple of days just lying in the bed. In any case, I managed to get out once today in order to buy some food. My sister bought herself some chicken strips in KFC (for my money but compensated partially using cash), and I bought myself a shawarma in “Dubai.” The place was pretty nice and comfy, but the shawarma was so shitty that I couldn’t quite finish it, and I also burned my tongue. Now it hurts, and the skin is peeling off inside my mouth. Brilliant! What a wonderful experience that I absolutely wanted.

2021-11-06

Holy shit! Absolutely no different from yesterday. I might as well copy the previous entry and paste it here… Just kidding, I won’t. I’m not running out of creativity yet. In any case, it was a gloomy and boring day. It was snowing (yay, the first week of November) and also cold as fuck, so there was no reason to get outside. Still, I did do it once because I’m supposed to be a healthy individual that doesn’t sit at home all the time. This time, I didn’t buy a shawarma because my tongue still hurts from the last time. Instead, I went to a grocery store and bought a ham puff and a sausage wrap aka a poor man’s hot dog. Or maybe not so poor because a proper hot dog costs 90 fucking rubles, and I can’t afford buying such expensive food all the time. However, despite that, I still fucked up and bought spicy carrot (in Russia, we call it Korean carrot, and I have no idea how it’s call in the outside world) that costs 80 rubles. The price tag said 30 rubles, but I guess it pointed to another product. But regardless, not a big loss. I like Korean carrot, so I can eat it as long as I don’t think about the money. After the “breakfast,” I spent exactly 6.9 minutes hacking in Vim in order to copy the survey from Neocities (that one that manually I copied on a paper sheet for my friends a few days ago) so my friends can fill it in. 2 of them did, and it was pretty interesting to read. I also did one, but the reception wasn’t as good. A certain person from the same college said that I’m too retarded for him to understand me. In fact, this certain person is probably reading this very paragraph right now unless they gave up a few sentences in. Hello, I guess? After that, I spent a few hours doing nothing and then another few hours watching my monthly dose of anime. I guess tomorrow is gonna be wasted on movies and video games. Or maybe not.

2021-11-07

I don’t know. Today still wasn’t particularly productive nor was it interesting. But does it matter anymore? The days off are over, and in a few hours, I’ll be back to exhausting and boring college life, and it won’t matter. In any case, today wasn’t spent on movies/video games like I planned. Instead, I suddenly remembered that I have a blog and decided to write about my journaling experience. The article is already done but needs spell checking. It’ll most likely be publish tomorrow. I managed to find quite a few questions for it, so I accidentally made it the longest article I’ve ever written. Other than that, I had a nice but short walk with my mom today to a supermarket. She bought some plastic containers, and I bought potato chips I hadn’t tried before. The rest of the day was wasted as usual.

2021-11-08

The business days are back in town. Fortunately though, it wasn’t that bad yet. Maybe the shit didn’t hit the fan yet. Maybe the drug actually helped me. I don’t know but sincerely hope that it at least doesn’t get worse. So the classes today were usual for a Monday - 2 software development ones. This time I actually wrote something in my copybook. What a miracle! My friend and I were planning to also do the English homework but couldn’t find time for it. Instead, I managed to do 2 practical works and show my thesis project to the teacher, which went surprisingly well. If I keep up at this rate, I may even not fail the semester. After the classes, I took a nap for, like, 4 hours, maybe? I’d planned to do it for only am hour, but that’s no big deal. After that, I updated my website, including publishing the article I promised. I also made my network software project (the airport) public. I’m too lazy to put more than 1 link in an entry, and it’s not like I’d be particularly happy if someone could discover my shitty markup so easily, so find it yourself. I also did a few minor updates for jamtext and my dotfiles. As you can see, I didn’t do much, but it was honest work. If I wasn’t so lazy, it could be better, but whatever. Now I guess I’ll do a few more website updates and happily go to sleep knowning I didn’t completely waste this day.

2021-11-09

Five fucking classes. That’s the only thing you need to know about this day. The first one was networks. We wrote a small test, which I had to improvise because I didn’t know shit, a small lecture, and spent the rest of the day doing an HTML task. The task was too long so I could only do, like, a half of it. The next class was ecology. We were supposed to write a lab work, but the classroom didn’t even have tables, so we decided to do it at home. Instead, were listening to a lecture about land protection. The next one was philosophy. We were discussing theories of how the mankind came into being. Half of the class was assigned to be pro-evolution and another half was assigned to be anti-evolution. It was kinda fun? It’s not like I enjoyed it too much, but it wasn’t boring. One thing I’m concerned with is that anti-evolutionists' arguments were complete bullshit, but that’s completely understandable since they just googled stuff without thinking. The last 2 classes were software. I was supposed to do a couple more charts but instead spent it finishing the networks task and doing English homework (dialogue) with my partner. As you can probably guess, I was pretty tired after all of this shit, so I just fell asleep as soon as I got home. I don’t even feel too bad this time because I’m already out of things to do that are not related to thesis/networks project/software charts. Maybe I could’ve forced myself to do them, but that’s unlikely. Hopefully, tomorrow will be a bit more productive.

I noticed that I’ve been really horny lately. Perhaps, as my friend said, “Today I realized that I often masturbated unwillingly due to a symptom of compensation or emotional hunger.” Or perhaps, which is more likely, the wrong hormones are fucking me up. You know, back when I was taking antidepressants this wasn’t a problem at all, and that was kinda cool. But unfortunately, it’s not like I can just start taking them again. I guess I’ll have to live with it.

2021-11-10

Surprisingly, having 2 classes fewer didn’t help. The first one was English. We only managed to talk about the news and check the homework dialogue, so we didn’t have time for the translation that I still didn’t do. The next one was infosec. We were given another fucking lab work, and I obviously couldn’t finish it because it had extremely difficult tasks that I have no damn clue how to do. The last class was networks. More web design tasks. I couldn’t finish these ones either. After coming home, I managed to finish the networks one, and yeah, that’s about it. Nothing else. You know, I have so much shit to do, and I’m worried that I won’t be able to handle it. I’ll still try to force myself to do the thesis and the networks website reports on the weekend, but there’s no success guaranteed. In any case, I had another English courses class today as planned, and guess what, I started feeling drugged on it. It’s not, like, too bad but still annoying. But whatever, I guess I’ll just sleep and hope the problems go away. skjfhnkaljsdfhaksjldfhkljasdf

okay i lied i do actually feel extremely drugged please help me

2021-11-11

Dear diary,

Here you go, I started an entry with “dear diary.” Do I count as a silly girl now? In any case, this day was wasted too, but this time it was on accident. Everything began well with 2 classes of software dev. I managed to draw 2 charts and finish the 6th infosec lab work. The next class was economics. Nothing interesting happened. The one after was ecology. I didn’t do the homework lab work, but no one cared. Good. The last class was supposed to be P.E., but I fleed. Yeah, and it also got canceled later. After I got home, the things quickly went downhill. My dad invited me to the cinema with my sister, and I agreed. But guess what, the movie was 3 fucking hours long. After it ended, it was already night. It means now I can’t do shit because it’s too late, and it’s impossible to force myself to do anything at this time. Great job, Kirby, you had another unproductive day. And it all began so well, what a pity. And yeah, by the way, all 3 hours in the cinema were spent with a full bladder. I know it’s kinda anticlimactic to mention this, but it’s an important detail I can’t omit.

2021-11-12

Wasted. This time, on purpose. The first class was economics. Most of the class was spent checking the homework, and the rest was spent writing a lecture summary. The next one was English. Other than the news, we had to make up a couple of sentences using the newly learned words. Nothing extraordinary. The one after was networks. Another HTML task, but this time we had to draw math stuff using MathML, haha just kidding it’s only supported in Firefox, HTML. It was pretty hard, but I managed it. The last class was philosophy. Most of the class was spent reading the textbook out loud, and the rest was spent on some stupid mini-game, the winner of which would be allowed not to attend the class for the rest of the year. After the classes, the networks teacher called me and asked to help her with her English test. Yes, I’m not kidding. An actual teacher asked a student to solve a test for her university. So uhhh, I helped? I tried my best, so the answers must be correct. After coming home, I started playing a video game and wasted the rest of the day on it. That’s it, I guess. Now I’m gonna try to do some actual work or maybe just fall asleep.

2021-11-13

Not wasted. Finally. Today we had the following classes: philosophy, ecology, networks x2. But don’t worry, they were remote. All I had to do was to log in and pretend I’m doing something. After waking up (circa second class), I updated my website and fixed a couple of complaints from my teacher about my networks project website. Then I did nothing for a few hours and started writing the thesis report. The English class at 5:30 PM interrupted me for several hours, but I continued after getting back home. And well, I’m still doing it. I guess that’s what I’m gonna spend the entire weekend for. But hey, at least I don’t feel bad for myself doing nothing.

2021-11-14

I did it. The thesis report is done (but not formatted). But at what cost? It fucking sucks. I mean, like, really actually sucks. It’s even worse than last one, but I guess that’s to be expected. I’ll show it to the teacher tomorrow to get some feedback. Hopefully, I’ll manage to make it into a presentable state in these 2 weeks. Other than the thesis, nothing else happened today. Well, I did go outside once in order to buy some shit with my mom and also a KFC pesto burger, which by the way, was pretty nice but overpriced, but that’s it. Though, I still don’t feel bad for myself, and that’s all that matters.

2021-11-15

Well, well, well. Ain’t this the miracle that was meant to happen sometime? Yes, motherfucker, the classes got canceled. And you know why? The teacher just didn’t show up. Holy fucking shit, that was so cool. An entire Monday spent at home and not at the so-called “college.” And you know what the best part about it is? The entire week is gonna be remote. My groupmate got COVID, and the stars aligned in the way that not enough time passed for it not to count, so we finally got quaranteed. I know it’s bad to be happy for other people’s misfortune, but good lord, it took us so many attempts to finally get there. In any case, the whole day was spent doing the networks website report. I couldn’t quite finish it, but I’m close. Other than that, I was outside once in order to buy some pills because I ran out of them. I was also supposed to buy my sister some chicken nuggets from KFC, but oopsie, they now require a QR code, and I forgot my passport to confirm my identity. But my sister not getting more fat is not a big loss, so I guess whatever. My mood today was still alright, and I hope it stays this way for the rest of the week.

2021-11-16

Right after writing the previous entry, I managed to fuck up. A Discord pal wrote to me on, y’know, Discord and asked a philosophical question about how people are judged in our society. I honestly answered that I don’t give a shit and that I never even thought about this, but I underestimated how emotionally sensitive he was, so he just deleted his messages and told me to pretend this never happened. So uhhhh, I fucked up? I don’t know how much damage I’ve done to him, but I do feel like an asshole. I guess I’m supposed to apologize now, but I just can’t force myself to. Not only I have no clue what to say in this situation, but I also have an urge not to apologize at all because, despite being an asshole, I was completely honest, which doesn’t violate any of the rules I live by. Sigh. I don’t know what to do. I’m so bad at talking to people.

So yeah, the aforementioned thing fucked up my entire day. I felt like shit. Additionally, I was also bored and barely productive, though these 2 problems probably don’t stem from my fuckup. All I managed to do today is finish the networks website report text (but not formatting still). I was supposed to also do a new infosec lab work, but I just couldn’t force myself to. I guess I’ll still have time tomorrow. The only time I went outside today was to go to KFC (this time, with a passport) to buy some chicken nuggets to my sister I’d promised. Other than that, the whole day was just sitting at home watching useless but interesting-sounding videos on YouTube.

2021-11-17

3 AM. That’s when I feel asleep today. That’s kinda fucked up. I usually watch a couple of YouTube videos before falling asleep, but this time, I dove deep into the YouTube Shorts rabbit hole and couldn’t get out of it for hours. I hope I don’t repeat the same mistake again today, and it won’t fuck up my sleep schedule again. As you can expect, I spent the whole day sleeping, and woke up only at 2 PM, so I wasn’t the most productive today. I managed to do the infosec lab work, but then an English class interrupted me. After it, I managed to do most of the networks lab work which deadline is in 2 days. Other than that, the day was as usual. I didn’t feel quite as shitty as yesterday, but it was still not cool. All I hope for now is for the holidays to start so I can finally relax, but unfortunately, it’ll only happen in 2 months. And before that, I’ll have to go through internship. My dad says I can do it at his friend’s company, but I’m not sure. I’ll probably be supposed to do something related to databases or programming, but he’s just a PC parts salesman. But we’ll see. If this option doesn’t work, I’ll find another one.

2021-11-18

2 AM. Much better. Though, I still woke up just as late. As you might have noticed, I haven’t even mentioned what classes we’ve had, but trust me, I’m a law obiding citizen, and I do “attend” them. And by attend, I, of course, mean open Moodle once in a while to pretend I’m online and am actually doing something. If that sounds like cheating to you, don’t worry, everyone else does the same thing here. And the interesting this is that I do it while sleeping by waking up each time a new class begins. That means that by the time I wake up, the classes are over, and I only then begin doing assignments. That’s obviously not what I’m supposed to do, but eh, works for me. So yeah, today was about as productive as yesterday. First of, I finished the new networks lab work, however, there’s now a new infosec work to do. They keep appearing faster than I can handle them. After that, my sister and I went to KFC. I bought myself an extremely expensive but extremely tasty Twister™ (shawarma), and she, uhhhhh, went to the anime shop? Yes, that’s kinda weird. By the time she arrived to me, I remembered that she’d asked me to buy her some chicken nuggets, but oops, I forgot about that, so I had to do it then and wait. Then we went to a supermarket called Fix Price, which is basically a dollar store that doesn’t sell anything for one dollar, where we bought some useless stuff like potato chips (or whatever Lay’s Stix are) and vitamin C pills. Before going back home, she also bought 5 ice creams. She was behaving extremely inappropriately the whole time we were out, so we had to swear at and beat each other. When we finally got home, I was reluctant to do anything but managed to force myself to do a half of economics homework and a half of ecology homework. That’s not enough but better than nothing. And so that’s where I am now. My mood still didn’t get back on track after that incident, but I guess it will sometime. Before falling asleep, I’m planning to do some reorganization of my notes and conferences, but chances are I’ll be too lazy to do it.

2021-11-19

1 AM. But this time, it wasn’t productive. I woke up at about 11 AM and proceeded to do absolutely nothing until 2 PM. Then I went to the doctor appointment scheduled at 3:15 PM. She asked me a couple of questions about my condition and gave me a new corrector prescription. This time, it was a single-use prescription again, so she told me to go back to her after the New Year. I’m not sure why, but whatever. On my way home, I bought myself an echpochmak. At home, I managed to do economics and… nothing else? Yeah, nothing. I was going to do ecology too but just couldn’t. Though, I did manage to fix a minor issue in my thesis project. Currently, I’m sorting out my YouTube playlist into many small playlists because I planned to do so. Afterwards, if it’s not too late, I’m going to finally do that Discord migration thing I planned. But if it is too late, I’ll go to sleep disappointed in myself.

2021-11-20

Today was the complete opposite of yesterday. I finally managed to fall asleep before the midnight and wake up before 12 PM. This time, I had no doctor appoitment to attend, so I had no reason to go outside. I still did it once though to go to the bakery and buy some food. In terms of the homework, I did quite some stuff. First, I submitted the economics presentation I’d made yesterday. It sucks, but I still got an A somehow. The teacher already uploaded a new task, but I decided not to do it yet. It’s not even available yet, so why not. Then I finally wrote down the lecture summaries for infosec and networks lab works. It took a lot of it, but I had to do it anyway. After that, I did the last ecology lab work. I didn’t do the additional tasks that came with it, but I still have time. Then I did the 9-10th infosec lab work, which due is only in like a day or something. As a finishing touch, I did the latest networks web design task, which also sucks, but at least I did it. Now I’m going to update my website and go to sleep happy.

2021-11-21

Let’s begin with the only good thing that happened since last entry - the guy I insulted on Discord talked to me again. This means I don’t have to apologize to him anymore. Cool?

As you can probably tell, I worked hard yesterday. I mean sure, I barely managed to do anything, but I still got tired. Unfortunately, this tiredness turned into overexcitement, and it happened to do so right at the moment I was going to fall asleep. And guess what, the same fucking thing happened as several days ago. I ended up watching YouTube until 4 AM and could barely fall asleep afterwards. Because of this, I woke up only at 2 PM with not the best mood imaginable. The day that followed was a complete disappointment. To be fair, I did manage to finish that ecology task and do the philosophy lecture summaries, but that’s it. I didn’t even do the economics presentation. And if that wasn’t enough, I only finished doing it at, like, 4 PM. Then I proceeded to spend a few hours doing nothing, after which something happened that completely ruined everything. My friend pointed out that I fucked up my networks website project report and didn’t do it according to the structure. Well yeah, I fucking did, but I didn’t realize how much I fucked up. My structure is completely incompatible with what the teacher wants. Now I’m supposed to redo everything, but I just can’t. I’m so tired. There’s absolutely no fucking way I can rework this piece of shit into an acceptable state. I just don’t know what to do now. I can give up, but then the teacher will lecture me, and it’s not something I’m a big fan of. And after that lecturing, I’d probably still have to rework everything, which I just can’t do. The second option… doesn’t exist? Like, the only thing I can do is give up. I mean I can also give up on life, but I was close to doing it so many times that it doesn’t sound like I’ll actually do it this time. So yeah, today sucked. I have barely been outside, and what happened inside was a nightmare. I guess all I can do is, once again, hope, but I’m not optimistic that the help will arrive.

2021-11-22

Yesterday my mom told me not to worry and that I just needed to go to sleep because I’d be able to fix the report tomorrow. It didn’t help. Maybe it’s because I feel asleep at 2 AM and woke up at 2 PM, or maybe it’s because her advice just doesn’t work. In any case, the day itself wasn’t as shitty as yesterday. First of, I actually went outside. Sure, it was just to go to KFC, but still. In terms of productivity, today also wasn’t as bad. I finally made that economics presentation and did some software dev works I should’ve done a long time ago. I could’ve probably done better today (like, for example, by actually doing something with the report), but something is better than nothing. Tomorrow we’ll have in person classes, so hopefully, someone will help me.

And now let’s address the elephant in the room. I’m writing this message in Discord and not VK, which means I finally got my hands on migration I’ve been planning for a long time. So for now the things will be like this: I’ll write my shit in Discord first and then copy and paste it to VK (except for the channels no one cares about). When I graduate from this shithole, I was planning to go Discord-only, but now that I think about it, I probably won’t. We’ll see.

2021-11-23

6 classes. It was awful. I… Haha, just kidding! We only had 5. God bless the benevolent teacher that let us skip the last class. But y’know, I was prepared to sit through all 6 classes. Well, I didn’t have breakfast, but otherwise, I was determined. In any case, the first class was philosophy. The whole class was spent reading some shit from the textbook, and apparently, we were even graded for that. The next one was ecology. We wrote a small test which was kinda a replacement for the exam. Thanks to the Internet, my friend and I made exactly 0 mistakes. The next class was networks. The classroom didn’t have any computers (or tables), so we had to write a lecture summary for a lab work. I managed to finish it while my friend couldn’t. The next class was economics. The teacher didn’t even attend his own class. I was doing nothing the whole time. The last 2 (1) classes were software development. We were supposed to do thesis-related stuff, but the computers in the classroom were disfunctional. Luckily, I had a laptop, so I could fix my networks website report instead. After coming back home, I was told that the thesis presentation will be on Friday (i.e. just in 3 days), but luckily, it got delayed to mid-December. That’s good, I guess? Now I can do everything at an adequate pace.

Sigh. Guess what? Since writing last paragraph, I already managed to fuck up, and you’re never gonna believe how. According to an undisclosed source, there’s an impostor (sus!) in our group that leaks messages to the teacher. While I can’t even describe how absolutely ridiculous it is that I can’t trust my own pals when it comes to privacy, I wouldn’t say that I didn’t expect it. This “college” is a fucking joke, so issues like this are something that will occur at some point. So now, the mistake itself. Someone mentioned that the thing the teacher said is uncertain, so I, according to my best tradition, jokingly told her to fuck herself, which is the exact thing I’d say to any teacher because I’d assume that people are not damn idiots or assholes that take things out of context. However, before I discovered that, I managed to mention the fact I was told about how the teacher’s reputation is poor in a certain aspect in a vulgar way. Again, a completely normal thing I’d do because I haven’t completely lost my hope in humanity yet. My friends urged me to delete the message, which I did because, y’know, better safe than sorry, but I couldn’t delete it completely, and now there’s a trace left of it. So now I both sound like a coward and am not completely honest with myself. Brilliant! In any case, dear teacher, if you’re reading this, perhaps in the future, perhaps because someone found this entry, here are my true thoughts on you: I don’t actually thing you should go fuck yourself. While your reputation is poor, I perfectly understand you. You’re just a victim of the consequences and nothing else. Your anger and pride are just a product of your unfortunate past, and there’s nothing you can do about it. Overall, I don’t think you’re the worst teacher. I’ve seen teachers orders of magnitude worse than you. You won’t even complete with them. So just relax. I don’t have much against you. Not more than I have against literally anyone else in this college.

The Discord migration continues. I made the welcome and the rules channel and sent the invite link to my friends. Will anyone actually read it? I don’t know. I’m also planning to put the link on my website, though it’ll probably not work since no one even reads me lmao.

2021-11-24

The troubles began as soon as woke up. Waking up by itself was extremely diffucult, but after I did, it turned out I had no time to even go take a shit. And oh boy, did I have to take one. My stomach was screaming. So I had a dilemma - I could either go to the restroom and be late to the class by about half an hour or I could go to college in constant fear of shitting myself. I chose the second option. The first class was software development. I don’t even remember what happened on it. The next one was networks. We were given another lab work which contained another web dev task. I couldn’t finish it in time, so I continued doing it on the next class, which was infosec. On infosec, we were given another lab work (please stop), which was slightly less difficult than usual. The teacher says it’s the last infosec work and that there will be 2 more networks works and 0 web dev tasks. The last class was economics. We were discussing wages or something. Who gives a shit. After the classes, my friends and I went to KFC. Or well, I did, but they just waited me outside because they didn’t have a QR code. Today there was a 50% discount when buying 2 Twisters™, so I used it + bought 18 chicken nuggets for my sister. The Twisters were pretty tasty, but it was too damn much for my stomach, and I also ate an egg after eating the first Twister, which kinda ruined the experience a bit. Later I took a shit, and there was barely any of it. My stomach must be pulling some tricks on me. The rest of the day was spent finishing the infosec lab work. Oh yeah, and I also had an English class that interrupted me and made me waste 1.5 hours. That’s it? A bit troublesome day but no major fuckups at least.

2021-11-25

I recently discovered that Discord has a 2000 character limit for messages compared to 5000 on VK. Well, I guess that means I’ll have to use paragraphing like a normal person. For example, take a look at how short this paragraph is.

You probably can’t see it because you’re reading this entry off my website, but I introduced a couple of new tags for my stuff. If you have no fucking clue what I’m talking about, it’s pretty simple - I mark new entries by prepending the “new day:” tag. I used to first write “new day:” and then write the paragraphs, but now it’s a bit different. The first paragraph now starts with “new day:” (in the same message), and other paragraphs of the same entry start with “same day:”. Why on Earth would I do it? Simple - it’s easier for machines to parse it this way, which I’m planning to do.

Now let’s get to the meat and potatoes. Today I didn’t attend a single class, and neither did my friend. Why? Well, the answer is complicated because I don’t even know the English word for it. Basically, we were “дежурные.” According to Google Translate, it means “a person on duty,” but a more accurate translation would be “a temporary work slave responsible for something.” We were responsible for the canteen. We had to peel potatoes and carrots, wipe the tables and trays, mop the floors, throw out the trash, and all that jazz. It was exhausting and humiliating but not as bad as a P.E. class. The torture started at 8:30 AM and ended at 2:30 PM, though it was supposed to end at 4 PM. So overall, not that bad. We even got some food for free.

As mentioned, when I got home, I was pretty tired. I was going to take a nap and then do the homework. However, my sister had a different plan for me - she wanted us to go to the shopping mall to buy some shit she needed to do the handcrafts homework or something. I didn’t want to go with her, but she managed to convince me, so I agreed. This was a mistake. Our trip there wasn’t too problematic, but our trip back, oh boy, was. It got to late, so all of the buses were cramped with people so badly that you couldn’t possibly get in. So we had to walk a few kilometers on foot and only then take a bus. It was really cold, we were tired, and it was also snowing/raining. It was terrible, and by the time I got home, I was so exhausted that I couldn’t possibly do any homework. Yeah, and I also had the same problem as yesterday - I didn’t have time to take a shit in the morning, so the whole thing I just described was done in fear of shitting myself.

2021-11-26

The bot I wanted to write is done. However, it isn’t configured properly yet and needs an implementation of some sort of access control. Also I don’t have a VPS/server yet, so I have nowhere to run it. For these reasons, I’m not using it yet. The development of the bot wasn’t too hard. All it took is a couple of YouTube tutorials and staring at the VK API reference for several hours. The resulting code is pretty compact, which is cool.

Today was supposed to be another 6 classes day, but I left before the 4th class even ended. No one seems to care, which is brilliant. The first class was economics. I don’t remember what happened, but I guess it’s was a generic last class. The next 2 classes were networks. I spent them trying to do the second to last lab work, which task is to make a WordPress website. I couldn’t quite finish it, so I had to do it at home. The next (last) class was philosophy. The teacher told me that I’m a good student and let me go. No kidding. After I came back home and finished the lab work, I spent the rest of the day coding the bot. Tomorrow will probably be more interesting.

2021-11-27

Welcome to another elephant in the room. This time, it’s not even me resending this message to VK but my Discord bot Baako. I finally finished him today. I added a few features like semi-private channels (via roles) and displaying the username in resent messages + fixed a few bugs (hopefully). In order to run this fucker, I bought a $5 Vultr VPS. It’s a lot of money, but my mom assures me that it’s worth it. I guess it is? In any case, I’m surprised that I wrote him so quickly. Now my life will be a bit easier.

Shit, I just realized I have nothing else to write. I spent most of the day writing the bot. Other than that, I did the infosec test, which was at 12 AM, and an economics presentation. I should’ve also started doing the last networks lab work, but nah.

2021-11-28

Disappointment. After a few days of feeling shitty because of uncertainty of whether the Discord migration was a good idea, yesterday, I finally felt satisfaction as I finished and deployed my bot. Today, however, I’m back to feeling like shit. And something tells me it’s gonna stay like this for several more days. Here’s the problem: I still have my website, which I pay $5/month for. This means I now pay $10 a month for my “online entertainment,” which is a lot of money. For this reason, the logical step would be to move from Neocities to a custom HTTP server. But here’s the catch: Someone may DDOS my server. In order for that to happen, the VPS provider has to have DDOS protection, and guess what, the one I bought offers it for $10/month. I just can’t afford to pay this much. Linode, on the other hand, offers this for free, and they even have a free 60 day trial. So I tried to register on Linode… and failed. Apparently, I don’t look like a legit person or something. Maybe it has something to do with me being from Russia, maybe it’s because I’m not using my legal name, I don’t fucking know. I contacted the support but got no response. I’m done with this shit then. If they can’t handle an idiot like me, they’re not worth my time. I’ll keep using Vultr even though it doesn’t have DDOS protection. I’ll use Cloudflare or something despite it being a pain in the ass to configure just to save myself from verification headaches.

So yeah, the day itself was wasted. I did absolutely no homework, including P.E., for which we didn’t even get the task lmao. I didn’t touch the bot today and didn’t do anything else to improve myself. I did go outside once, but it was only, like, for half an hour. I didn’t even watch YouTube videos today because I spent the whole time mindlessly googling stuff.

2021-11-29

I’m not sure if today was productive or not. On one hand, I did something, but on the other hand I didn’t do the homework. So today we had remote classes, so I, of course, “attended” them, though probably no one gives a shit. I properly woke up at 12 PM and spent about 4 or 5 hours configuring my HTTP server. It took a lot of work. Then I moved 2 of my websites there, deleted a couple, and… that’s it. That’s all I managed to do today. It doesn’t sound like much, but trust me, it was hard. Now I guess I need to actually do homework.

By the fucking way, those fuckers from Linode ghosted me. So I guess that means they can go fuck themselves. Well, at least until they recognize me as a person. I also wrote a letter to Marijn Florence (or whatever their name is) asking for advice on how to mirror my website to Neocities so I don’t lose my “audience,” but they didn’t respond either. I guess I’ll have to do it my own way.

2021-11-30

Wasted? The only thing I “managed to do” today is the last networks lab work. And oh boy, it fucking sucks. However, I’m too lazy to touch it again, and no one probably gives a shit. Soooo the day itself? For some reason, I was going to wake up at 8 AM, but I obviously didn’t since I fell alseep at 2 AM, so I did it at 11 AM. I received an email from Marijn, so I shared it with the Discord people. Hopefully, I didn’t commit a privacy violation by doing it. (They’re not hiding this as an actual secret, right?) I proceeded to do nothing until 2 PM, and then my sister and I went to buy some shit in the mall just like that one time we got stuck and had to walk on foot but without walking this time. I bought myself a “5 for 250” in KFC with a pesto burger. It was extremely expensive, but we counted how much the ingredients cost, so I guess it was worth it. After I got back home at, like, 4 PM, I very slowly did the aforementioned work, and now it’s 8 PM. As you can see, not much of a productive day.