Not a single thing changed. Today was just as mindlessly boring as it was a year ago. I couldn’t find any activity that would cheer me up. I tried watching a movie, but it still somehow didn’t help. Maybe I didn’t choose a movie good enough. In any case, I have over 2 months more to suffer, so I’ll probably eventually find one. In addition to boredom, only 2 days are left until we present the shit, and they even planned to reschedule it to tomorrow but hopefully changed their minds. For others, it’s not a big deal because all they have to do is change a couple of lines in their old report while my report is an indescribable piece of shit that requires a lot of labor to make suitable for anything. I’m not sure what I’m going to do in this case. My friend proposed me to just join him and present a single work, but I don’t know, that sounds quite ridiculous. The only choice I see right now that I can manage is to give up.
Due to me complaining, they canceled the drug that was making me feel drugged. Hooray? The day itself was notoriously boring, but I found an escape - I spent the whole day sleeping. This seems like a very good trick, so I hope I’ll be able to pull it off consistently and that it won’t fuck up my schedule.
My mom tried her best to convince me not to give up and that I still have enough time until tomorrow to do something. Long story short, it didn’t work. There’s just too much stuff to do and I’m absolutely not in the right mind for it. I have nothing to present tomorrow, so I think I just won’t go anywhere and text my curator saying something along the lines of “sorry, not today.” I’m not sure how legal it is and whether I won’t be expelled, but I’m just not strong enough to do anything about it now.
A miracle happened. Remember when I said about my friend offering me to present the same shit together? Well guess what, that turned out to be a really good last resort measure. I had thoughts about declining because I don’t deserve this kind of help but hopefully agreed in the end. All I had to do was print the same stuff as him but replace his name with mine. We also split the presentation with me reading the even slides and him reading the odd slides. Thankfully, we weren’t the only ones pulling this kind of trick - there were 2 more pairs - so almost no stupid questions were asked. We did have to do some paperwork though because there were some gaps that we were supposed to manually fill in, but other than that, that’s it. Now I finally can declare myself free and spend the 2 months playing video games and watching movies. My friend and I had an idea to play Terraria together, so I guess this will be one of the first things we do.
The plan for today was to go swimming in our local river, however that’s not quite what happened. Not only we went to the swimming pool instead (because apparently the river is too cold or something), but also my sister just outright refused to go with us. Luckily, my grandma decided to go with us instead, and my mom also invited some random girl that I apparently once talked to many years ago. Today was a nice sunny day, so the pool visit went fine. The pool itself is located in an amusement park for some reason, but the service it provides is still okay, even compared to the other pool we went to a month ago. Apart from swimming, which I enjoyed, we ordered a pizza, an entire half of which I ate alone. We also had an opportunity to buy standard fast food shit (hamburger/fries/chicken nuggets), but the lines we would have to wait were too long. I tried to balance between the time I spend in water and the time I spend outside but somehow still managed to fuck up, and now I feel overheated. But to be fair, it’s not too bad, so I can’t say it ruined the experience.
I recently discovered Forward Email, which seems to provide a wider range of email forwarding services than the free Namecheap subscription. For example, it allows to send messages from your virtual mailboxes using some magic fuckery. While I’m not going to use it for my main mailbox, I did set up a fake one just in case - firstname.lastname@example.org. Feel free to text me.
Last time I visited the clinic I was supposed to attend at 8 AM to get my blood tested. I accidentally slept too much and was late to do it. And guess what, the exact same thing happened today. In fact, I was so late that I even missed the electrotherapy. So now I’ll have to try to wake up on time again next Friday. I was told that my last clinic visit will be on July 12th, so I’ll just have to do it. Also I was told that I can get back my drawings from art therapy sessions, which I guess I’m gonna do.
I recently got an idea to write down the embarassing stories that happened to me and publish them. I’m gonna do it soon, and I assume you already know where to look for them.
Here we go, several sunny days have passed, and now the weather is shit again. This summer is gonna be unusually contrast, isn’t it? Or was it always like this? I’m not sure. In any case, the weather became shitty pretty suddenly - the morning was sunny and warm, and then a thunderstorm came out of nowhere. Also they disabled the electricity for some reason, but hopefully it’ll be back by tomorrow.
I forgot to mention it, but my dad has recently developed an intricate scheme of buying his new car, which is apparently so cool that it’s rare as shit. His scheme involves taking a plane to an obscure northern town where the car is located and driving all the way back on the purchased car. And guess what, he’s actually so crazy that he started implementing this scheme into reality today. Specifically, he not only already took a plane there but also took my sister with himself. That’s pretty badass, I’m not gonna lie, and I’m kinda jealous that he didn’t take me with himself instead. However, his decision can sort of be justified - I still have to visit the clinic and also already had a similar journey with my mom to Moscow without 2 of them.
The day was pretty boring otherwise. I spent most of it sitting at home watching YouTube videos. At first, I was watching Minecraft videos as usual but then came across into a video about the Voynich manuscript, which lead to me going down the rabbit hole of undeciphered writing systems. You know, this topic is pretty interesting, and I might even attempt at creating something encrypted like this, assuming I manage to overcome boredom of course.
The electricity is back, and the weather seems to be getting better too. Great.
My prediction about this summer being like the last one has been accurate so far. The day was boring, and I haven’t even tried to do anything to entertain myself. Though to be fair, it wasn’t that boring. Yet.
A Neocities Discord server, Penny’s Club, has recently opened a Minecraft server. I spent the whole day playing on it. So far I managed to build a house (a giant cobblestone cock partially submerged underground similar to the one on our friends' map) and pave roads to other people in the town. It was pretty fun but spent too much time playing and started feeling drugged. I need to be more careful from now on.
Today was my second to last clinic visit. It went as usual except the therapist was finally there this time. She was like “don’t worry, kiddo, your visits were worth it.” Well, I guess? My very last visit will be on Monday, and I was also told that I’ll have to go to my old clinic to get the drug prescription. Luckily, I have some drugs left, so I probably won’t run out of them. When I came back home, I continued doing nothing. Unlike yesterday, I only played Minecraft for like an hour. All I managed to do was expand The Cock and pave more roads to other houses.
My dad and sister are back. The new car looks cool, I guess? They also brought some strawberries.
Another day of doing absolutely nothing. However, this time I didn’t even play Minecraft. In addition to that, I haven’t been outside even a single time. Though to be fair, it still wasn’t that boring thanks to me spending most of the day sleeping. If this continue going this way, it wouldn’t be the best thing but would still be better than last summer.
Okay nevermind, now I have gone outside once in order to buy new headphones. My old ones were shamelessly taken by my sister and subsequently destroyed. She bought herself new ones, so I decided to do the same. The electronics store visit was a bit of adventure on itself. The store I initially wanted to visit was closed, so I had to go to another one that’s a bit farther, in which some stalls were also closed.
The plan for today was to go to the Ostrich Farm aka the zoo we went to with our social worker. Unfortunately, I couldn’t wake up on time, so we had to abandon this idea. Because of that, I spent the whole day playing Minecraft. Nothing too significant happened there - I replaced the road material to deepslate and elongated The Cock. Just like yesterday, I haven’t gone outside yet, though it can change.
Yup, here we go, we went out to buy some potatoes. It isn’t much but at least counts as being outside.
Finally, the last clinic visit. I was told to arrive a bit earlier, which I did despite being too lazy to wake up. I was also allowed to skip all of the procedures, which I did of course. The visit itself was pretty short as all I had to do was take the recommendations for my old doctor and leave. However, I additionally asked for a certificate for my college and for my drawings I made on art therapy. Unfortunately, they lost a considerable number of them, so I could only get my hands on some, but I guess that’s better than nothing. Other than the visit, the day wasn’t too great. I suddenly started being paranoid and worrying about unnecessary stuff again. I didn’t do it for quite some time, so I thought I wouldn’t do it again, but nope. It’d be nice if I’d at least learned how to deal with it, but I fucking didn’t despite visiting the clinic for over 2 months. Yeah, and as you can expect, I also started feeling drugged all of a sudden while writing this entry. Perfect!
Boring. Not a single line of code written or a single video game played. I spent the whole day watching YouTube videos about space stuff. Obviously, I didn’t understand anything, so the only meaningful outcome was being a bit entertained and coming up with a couple of scientific-sounding fake names for my friends' and mine dedicated conference. In fact, I was so lazy to entertain myself that I even forgot to publish the previous diary entry (though, I still wrote it as usual). I won’t forget to publish this one on time hopefully. However, despite all of that, it still wasn’t that boring. Does that mean that the drugs worked? Does that mean that oversleeping worked? I don’t know.
Tomorrow I have the old clinic visit, and I can’t say I’m too prepared for it. While I’m mentally ready, I’m not physically. The main problem I have is that I seriously need to take a shower, but guess what, we have no hot water again and won’t have until the 15th. The obvious choice here is to go to someone who has hot water and take a shower there, however another problem arose - I have fucking diarrhea. Last time I had it was several days ago, and it’s perfectly reasonable that I have it again since I eat shitty food. So now I’m stuck at home with the only choice being to take a cold shower. And yes, of course, that’s without even counting the chance of me spontaneously shitting myself tomorrow since I doubt my stomach can come back to its senses so quickly.
Well, nothing remarkable happened. I went to the old clinic, got the prescription and the certificate that says that I need to take drugs in order to survive that I need to go abroad, and went home. My mom also told me to ask whether we can switch to injections in order to not bring the drugs abroad, but they declined because apparently modern drugs like this only come in form of pills. The rest of the day was about as boring as usual, but this time I was actually doing something. I can’t disclose exactly what I did for privacy reasons, but I did quite some work on improving my online account security and recoverability. Actually, I’ve been working on it for the last several days but only finished today.
This day was even less remarkable. I thought I finished securing my stuff yesterday, but I decided to go even further and continued today. Other than that, literally nothing happened. In fact, I haven’t even been outside a single time. No one wants to go outside with me, so chances are I’ll spend the rest of this day inside.
Well, here we go, I went outside to buy a shawarma. Does this count? Also while I was walking, I got even more ideas for my online security, so I guess I’m not done yet.
Remember when I said that I don’t feel so bored because I wake up late? It seems like the rule didn’t work this time, and the day was both short and boring. The boredom manifested itself in form of the feeling that I forgot to do something when I actually didn’t, which I actually started feeling yesterday after it turned out that I can’t go even further in terms of my online security and that it’d be reasonable to stop. It still wasn’t as boring as last summer but was more boring than, say, 2 days ago. You know, now when I think about it, was last summer actually that boring? I feel like it was, but can I trust my memory? I’m not sure. In order to overcome boredom I’ve come up with a brilliant solution - actually finally go to the fucking ostrich farm. Guess what, it didn’t work once again. My grandma said she didn’t want to go there in spite of my best efforts to convince her that her old ass would enjoy animals, so the only other option that was left was my mom. She agreed, but oops, it was too fucking late. We could still technically visit it for an hour before it closed, but that didn’t sound like a great option. Also the bus that was supposed to take us there was nowhere to be seen, so I guess it was a bit slow today, which wouldn’t play in our favor. So now we agreed that we’ll go there tomorrow in the morning. Will it actually happen? Who knows.
The thing happened. We did actually go to the ostrich farm. In fact, we also brought some friends with us - those guys with whom I ate so much that my stomach was blowing up. Before going to the farm, we went to the sanatorium located in the forest in which they were living, and we also went there on our way back in order to return them. The farm visit itself went alright, I guess? We went through every animal including those I haven’t seen when we went there with our social worker. Unfortunately, not everything went as planned, and I started feeling extremely drugged near the end of our visit. Overall, I think I’m still satisfied because we spent the whole day going to different places, which didn’t let me get bored. My mom says we could go somewhere else tomorrow too, which is also great. Assuming the weather is okay, we might go to a swimming pool.
Just as promised, we went swimming today. Compared to yesterday when my mom’s friends joined us, today we joined them. This time we had to take a bus there instead of using my dad’s car, which took a bit more time. According to my mom, we went to their sanatorium legally as guests, but it seems like it’s not actually what happened. As I noticed and as she later told my grandma, they actually bribed the guard with some alcohol to let us in. That’s obviously illegal, but whatever, I guess. The sanatorium itself is located in the forest and occupies a quite large territory. Unfortunately though, there’s not much non-sanatorium infrastructure - for example, there are only 1.5 shops there where you can buy any food, so we mostly had to limit ourselves to salami sandwiches. Regarding swimming, not quite what I expected happened, but I can’t say I’m disappointed. While I expected the sanatorium to be located near a river, it actually has a so-called “pool,” which is basically an artificial lake. The surroundings of the lake are covered with countless vegetation, and many animals such as frogs inhabit it. The lake doesn’t have much infrastructure except a fountain in the middle that acts as a source of water, a drinking fountain with a broken tap that covered me with water after I unsuccessfully tried to use it to get some water, beach beds, and a couple of platforms from which you can jump. In addition to that, the water there is really cold, but that doesn’t stop people swimming there. So far my description sounds like a nightmare, but it was actually pretty fun. Our swimming session was interrupted by a thunderstorm, so we had to stop and go in their room. The thunderstorm ended quickly, but we decided not to go back and just sit for a while before going back home. So overall, considering I spent a whole other day going places and not just sitting at home bored, I’d say I’m satisfied. What I’m not satisfied with, however, is that paranoid thoughts still follow me and make every moment a bit more miserable. Hopefully, they’ll go away soon.
The rule keeps working. I once again woke up late and spent the whole day doing nothing, but it still wasn’t that boring. Should I consider myself blessed or cursed? I’m not sure. Other than doing nothing, I did go outside once with my grandma to deliver some pelmeni to my godfather. The paranoid thoughts still do follow me a bit, but I guess there’s not much I can do here other than wait. Regarding my online security, I still have some things to implement but just can’t make up my mind whether I should. Chances are I’ll just have to do it in order to stop the thoughts from following me, just like it already happened before with similar ideas.
Just as expected, I gave up and did it. I’m not sure if I made the right choice, but I never am, so that’s to be expected. I’ll most likely force myself not to switch back as it usually happens. In order to finally pull it off, it took my quite some time, so I ended up falling asleep at 1 AM. I also had to do a bit of work the next day, and I probably even didn’t forget to do anything.
Today was the birthday of the one grandma that doesn’t live with me. I was very reluctant to wake up, so I thought I would end up not attending it. Luckily, my father happened to arrive at a convenient moment and agreed to give me a lift there. The celebration went about as you can expect from a birthday of a 70-something year old - there were only a couple of close relatives and the most remarkable thing that happened was the usual Russian food served. Other than eating, I spent the whole time reading Reddit, while my dad was talking about unusual clients he had to serve while working. Unfortunately, he couldn’t give me a lift back home, so I had to go with my other grandma by bus. After the whole thing, we were supposed to go somewhere with those guests we visited 2 days ago, but the whole thing got canceled. Luckily, we did go outside one more time in order to buy some stuff required for our upcoming trip and moving houses.
As you may know, I need to take drugs in order to properly function, so in order to not get rejected by the customs on our upcoming trip, I need medical proof of the fact that I actually need to take them every day and that I have a prescription. As already mentioned, I obtained such proof several weeks ago on my last clinic visit, however we also need to translate the whole thing to English because, obviously, foreign customs don’t speak Russian. The goal of today was to obtain such a translation. Due to my poor skills of Googling stuff in Russian, I couldn’t find a company that offers document translation services, but luckily, my mom did. In fact, she found several of them, but we decided to stop on the one with the cheapest prices. I was sent a link to it early in the morning and told to go there in person and ask for the price, after which I’d recieve the money to pay for the thing. Due to my social anxiety and overall laziness, I couldn’t do it, so we decided that I’d instead wait until a certain time, go to the place my mom works at, and then we’d go there together. However, at some point, my mom, perhaps also being lazy, changed her mind, so we decided to instead scan the documents and email them so we’d have to go there only once and not twice in order to get back the translation. Thus, I had to wait for my mom for quite some time, and as you can expect, I spent it doing absolutely nothing. While I was waiting, my dad arrived and offered to take a look at his car’s new navigation system that he bought to replace the old one, which only supported Japanese and was pretty outdated. Unfortunately, he was stupid enough to buy a system that runs Android 4, so he already can’t run most of modern Android apps. According to him, the most modern app he needs is YouTube, but even it can stop running at any moment. Though, I can sort of understand his choice because, according to him, devices with newer Android cost almost twice as much. In any case, when my mom arrived, it turned out I fucked up and forgot to ask for a clinic stamp on the certificate, so the only choice was to go back there and ask for one. It was pretty late, so I thought it would be unreasonable to go there today, especially considering the pretty real chance of being rejected because the document is more than a week old and could as well be forged by me. Luckily, my mom came to help and decided to go there in any case, forcing me to go with her. Somehow we arrived just on time and didn’t get rejected. We also used being outside in the center of the city as an opportunity for a nice walk. When we came back home, however, it turned out that our scanner is broken as we probably accidentally shattered the glass when moving it. So now the only choice is to actually go there in person, just like we planned in the beginning.
In contrast to yesterday, no adventure happened today. Just as I planned, I went there in person, submitted the documents to translate, and now all I have to do is wait until tomorrow. But to be fair, it was expensive as fuck (over 2000 rubles for just 2 sheets of paper), and they also asked for the photo of my travel passport (in Russia we have two passports - one for domestic use and one for international use) but then figured out how to spell my name in English, so it’s no longer required. After the whole thing, I went to a nearby restaurant I haven’t visited before and bought some shawarma to see how good it is. It was alright but not as good/bad as for me to write a review about it. The rest of the day was being spent doing nothing as usual. Also I’m still paranoid, but it seems like it’s slowly going away. Hopefully, it’ll stop by the time our trip takes place.
Not much happened today either. I was supposed to get my documents back at 3 PM, but just after I got to the bus stop, I was called and told that they needed a bit more time and that the new time was 5 PM. It takes me about an hour to get there, and 4 PM happens to be the time my mom gets home, so I decided to wait for her. She needed to mind some business in the center coincidentally close to where I needed to go, so we went on a bus together. Initially I planned to go with her after I finish, but in the end we split. When I got to the company itself, it turned out they fucked up and misspelled my middle name on one of my documents. Luckily, they quickly reacted and fixed it. I wasn’t sure whether they properly spelled it, but as it turned out, travel passports don’t have middle names in them, so it doesn’t matter. After getting the documents, I went to another restaurant I haven’t visited before and bought a shawarma. Just like the last time, it was okay but not as okay as to write a review about it. After walking in the center for a bit, I went back home, and now I guess we’re supposed to be busy making a checklist to make sure we didn’t forget anything.
Exactly a week is left until the Turkey trip. The plan for today was to actually make a checklist and start packing up our bags with clothes, documents, and other things we need. Unfortunately, that’s not quite what happened - no checklist has been created, and we have barely any motivation to make one, so it seems like there isn’t going to be one in the end, and we haven’t even started collecting the things to pack up until late evening, so we’ll probably continue tomorrow. Instead, we spent the day “researching” how to get past the customs with my medication. I was barely able to google anything, so my mom promised to google herself, but she wasn’t any more successful than me in the end. But in any case, I did manage to find some information. First, it seems like just stopping taking the drugs in order to not bother declaring them is not a valid choice. According to the Internet, it’s one hell of a drug and, have I decided to stop taking it, the withdrawl syndrome will last for several weeks, making each day a nightmare with extreme insomnia and mood instability. Thus, the only choice is to bring the medication with us regardless of any mild inconveniences. Second, I sort of figured out how to declare them on the customs. Apparently, airports have a separate zone called “red channel” intended for people who have something to declare. People who don’t have anything to declare, however, go to the “green channel,” which is, I guess, the default one. When you go through the red channel, they ask you to fill in a form, where you list all of the expensive/questionable (but not illegal, which it appears not to be) stuff you have. Luckily though, you don’t have to fill it in right there and can download it ahead of time and fill in the comfort of your own home. But of course, if you fuck up and make a mistake on the form, they’ll politely force you to fill it in all over again, which I hope won’t happen to us. So after all of that, we’ll supposedly be able to board the plane from Russia. But what will happen when we arrive? I have no fucking idea. Seriously, I can’t google shit, but my best guess is that I’ll have to fill in yet another form, this time in English. Hopefully, it won’t be too hard. So that’s about what I know at the moment. I’ll continue researching, but considering Google doesn’t want to cooperate with me, chances are I’ll just have to rely on my luck.
Remember what I said about the checklist? Well, we made one. Sort of. I downloaded a checklist from a random website, and we went through every item. It turned out we forgot to pack quite some things, some of which we don’t even have and need to buy. Thus, I made another list out of those things (well, I technically made two because the first one is for regular stuff and the other one is for medications, but you get the idea), so now we do technically have a checklist. However, we didn’t bother packing up/buying the things today because my mom is busy sorting out the mess in the house, and I’m just lazy. You know, it’d be a great idea if I did it too because, for example, my cupboard is extremely messy, and I really need to sort it before the summer holidays end. The day is not over yet, so it’s theoretically possible that I could just get out, go to the supermarket/drugstore, buy everything by myself, and then come home and quickly sort out my entire room, but chances are I won’t.
Being busy with trip preparations, I didn’t notice how my sleep schedule got fucked up. Yesterday I couldn’t fall asleep for several hours and ended up actually doing it only at 2 AM after taking a sleeping pill. That’s absolutely not what I wanted, and I’m also surprised that it happened so suddenly, considering I didn’t have so much trouble falling asleep the days before. Consdering how it usually goes, I’ll probably keep having troubles sleeping, but hopefully the jet lag when travelling will even it out. In any case, yesterday I managed to partially sort out the mess in my room by sorting out the messiest shelf of my cupboard. To be precise, I didn’t sort it out as much as I just threw out the tons of paper and used masks that were collecting there. Today, just as promised, we bought the things from the checklist I made yesterday. Well, we didn’t actually buy some (for example, headphones and one of the medications), but I guess we still have time for that. But we didn’t stop at that because, as it turned out, there was room for improvement in terms of our baggage organization. For example, we optimized some of our things so that it’s not only easier to access them, but we also went from 2 carry-on bags to just one. In addition to that, it turned out my sister hadn’t even started packing up her things yet, so we had to force her to. So overall, not bad progress for a day.