04 - April


2021-04-01

Another productive day. Basically, the server of my project is ready. The only feature I that I planned left is attachments. Everything else just works™ and doesn’t seem to be too buggy. Also I finally switched all of my CSS shit to box-sizing: border-box; because why not.

2021-04-02

Yup, one more productive day. I implemented attaching files for the chat. Now the whole thing is basically done because I did everything I planned. Some polishing is, of course, still required, but I guess it wouldn’t be too hard. What I’m currently afraid of is that now I won’t have anything to do again and will be even more bored that before. I guess it then will be the right time to start playing video games and watching anime.

2021-04-03

The exact thing I was afraid of happened. The day was boring. I had absolutely nothing todo. Needless to say, I ate a lot of fast food again. Did it help? No. I haven’t started playing video games/watching anime yet because I’m too lazy to start, but I guess I will soon because there’s not much choice.

Oh great. After another update, my GRUB got fucked up and I wasn’t able to boot my sistem. This is extremely weird because I did the same update on my laptop and it didn’t break. I suspect my motherboard fucked up some EFI variable or something. In any case, all I had to do was sudo dnf reinstall grub2-efi-x64 shim-x64, and now everything works again. Also just before that, I found out about a bug in Mutter, which I, of course, reported. God, I report so many bugs, I might as well make a bug report journal.

Done, here’s the bug report journal.

2021-04-04

It was a “meh” kind of day. Right after I woke up, my parents invited me to go shopping for building materials. I had absolutely nothing planned for the day, so I, of course, agreed. We ended up not bying a single building material and one laundry basket. Yeah, and also a shitton of food, which I ate. When I came home I was back into the state of boredom right until the moment I decided to do something about jamtext. I took me some time, but I finally fixed Unicode parsing there. I used a custom UTF-8 encoding function, which I stole from GitHub and, of course, credited. I planned to do the same thing for number parsing/printing too, but it turned out there are no good number printers that I can find. I decided to write one myself, and I think I was successful. I’ll just assume that it works perfectly until someone finds a bug.

2021-04-05

We got the second dose of the COVID-19 vaccine. Just like I expected, something got fucked up again. The doctor that was filling my papers was barely alive and moved his fingers slower than sloth’s shit. He barely asked me any questions about my medical history, but luckily I don’t have anything harmful, and he did it so slow that my father that entered after I did got out faster. And if that wasn’t enough, he wrote the entry in my vaccination certificate in the wrong place and made a mistake in the date, and I had to go back so he corrected it. Sigh. I’m not even sure if the shit he wrote is valid and whether I’ll be allowed to go abroad with it. In any case, the best I can do now is hope.

The day was unexpectedly productive. A guy from discord suggested me to add link highlighting to my chat. It was a good idea, so I did it, but I didn’t stop there. I decided to also add deleting and editing messages. I had to rewrite the whole for it to work, but I did it. The app is now an order of magnitude more complex, but I believe it was worth it. Now when I’m at it, why don’t I implement more features like reactions from Discord? Well, we’ll see how long I’ll be able to keep it up.

2021-04-06

Expectedly, I got sick. It wasn’t as bad as the last time but still annoying. In addition to that, I haven’t taken a shower in like a week, so I was really uncomfortable. I was trying my best to continue improving the chat. I made some architectural changes, and even attempted to add unlimited message history but failed. Well, I guess another time.

2021-04-07

The day was disappointingly uneventful. We didn’t attend the previous 2 days but today started attending again. I didn’t do anything on the “classes.” One topic that I got to discuss with the groupmates is vaccination. They say they refuse to vaccinate because they think the government is lying to them. This is really bad news because if the government fucked up so badly that people don’t want to trust the science, we’re really in trouble. I’ll, of course, stay optimistic and hope that the vaccination campain goes well regardless and we as a species can properly recover. In any case, when I got home, still nothing happened. Even the English class got canceled. But at least I’m not bored yet.

2021-04-08

I felt so meh I don’t even feel like writing this entry. To be fair, it wasn’t as bad as the last summer, but still. Just like expected, now I’m actually bored and extremely unwilling to do anything. I brought my laptop to the classes as usual but ended up not using it a single time. Apart from some actually fun conversations and games I’ve done with my friends, I spent the entire time scrolling through Reddit. In fact, I scrolled so far down that I was seeing posts with no upvotes. The thoughts that weren’t leaving my mind of my mind were about how pathetic I am. While I’m here at college managing to not get kicked out, everything’s probably gonna be fine, but what’s next? I’ve hit the roof in terms of education I can get because I’m absolutely terrible at getting through it, so chances are college education (which if you don’t know, is much different in Russia from what it is in the US and is valued much less) is what I’m gonna end up with for the rest of my life. Thus, it’s highly likely that I’m gonna be stuck in this shithole country that doesn’t care about me and doesn’t want me to be myself for the rest of my life, and I just can’t get over it. And if that wasn’t enough, as I mentioned countless times on this website, I’m really shitty at working, so I highly question my ability to get any job higher level than a McDonald’s cashier. So what’s the point of it all then? Why should I bother living this live if it’s gonna be nothing but suffering? This is the exact question I should ask to my psychologist, but I’m too lazy to even find time to schedule an appointment with them because I’m constantly forgetting about it. I mean come on, I’m too lazy to use escapism to my advantage by playing Minecraft or watching anime because I just can’t force myself to take my ass of the bed and do the simplest thing ever. God, I hate myself.

2021-04-09

Sigh. So today the teacher was taking a final look at our works before they get presenting. My personal project worked just fine but the group one required some tweaking. More specifically, my friend forgot to put an error message in a place where it should be, leading me to beilieve that there’s a serious bug in the program. In the end, we’ve got eveything sorted and the teacher accepted it. We got our grades allegedly based on how good we performed our roles in the roles, and that was about it for the classes - we spent the rest of the time playing. Also he said that each one of us should make a report of both the personal and the portion they contributed for the group project by next Wednesday. And yeah, I forgot to mention, but the personal project and the thesis are treated as 2 different things despite not being them. That makes no sense, and we’ll have to just pretend, but I’m already used to things like this. The real question here is how the fuck was it even legal to assign us 2 works at once. I mean both of them would be really hard to do if we actually weren’t lazy and doing things, so I really don’t know. In any case, making a report doesn’t seem like a really big problem for me, and I’m also used to ignoring such logical problems, so I guess I shouldn’t worry too much. Well, I shouldn’t worry much about college, but I still do have the problem of boredom. So here’s a promise: right after writing this entry I’ll start playing a video game or watching anime.

2021-04-10

Today I had the first class of preparation to the English exams. Somehow my English courses teacher wasn’t notified of it, so she lost me for some time. Unlike I expected, the classes took 160 minutes and not 80, but they weren’t actually boring. We talked about some quirks of the exam and practiced a bit on mock tasks. Overall, not bad. When I got home I continued my GNOME bug hunting. I provided some info on the DMA-BUF screensharing bug and now am looking for participating in its fix. I also recently had an idea to switch to X.org until Wayland is in a better shape but decided to play smart. I configured my Flatpak Qt apps and Firefox to properly work on both Wayland and X11 and also finally figured out how to do fractonal scaling on X.org. Now I can use both windowing systems and switcb between them whenever I want. Cool.

2021-04-11

I spent most of the day being bored and scared of what’s gonna come tomorrow (more college suffering). But closer to the evening, I took a nice walk and played Minecraft with my friend. So overall, could be worse.

2021-04-12

Nothing unexpected happened. Just like every other time, it was an excruciating day that only reminded me of why I hate this place. And guess what, I forgot to schedule an appointment with a psychologist again, which is the exact thing I need now. In any case, the classes were about as putrid as usual. First, we had English. The bitch didn’t teach us shit by using a prehistoric textbook and pretended that she’s a good teacher that does something. Like, you know, what she always does. Then, we had “life safety” or whatever the fuck it’s called in English. We wrote 2 practical works and were given 2 more to write at home. Of course I don’t want to do shit and it’s now only additional pain in the ass. After that, we had P.E. I didn’t even have my clothes with me, so I didn’t do shit the entire class.I was also forced to write a little test, to which I wrote everything by guessing. Who gives a shit. Last, we had 1C, on which I expected her to check my works I was supposed to do on the practice. Unfortunately, she gave us some technology quiz shit for grandmas, and we spent more than half of the class for it. Not only she didn’t check shit, but I also recieved a score of 7/10 of computer literacy, including 6/10 for cyber security. Are you fucking kidding me? I’m literally the most paranoid person in the group. Sigh. So in the end, now I’m left with 2 1C tasks to do until tomorrow, 1 bigass report to do until Wednesday, which I haven’t even started yet, and a terrible fucking mood. Perfect. That’s exactly what I expected from the first day of studying. Fuck you, life, and your terrible jokes.

2021-04-13

Yesterday I got an idea to implement scrolling speed setting in Mutter by myself, and it made me constantly think about it for the rest of this day. Right when I came to college, I got the news that we don’t only need a report but also a presentation, but it later also turned out that the presentation has been postponed, so the things now are not that bad. On the 1C classes I got time to only present her 7 for 10 of my works, and it was quite far from perfect because I didn’t know shit about what I was talking about. After 1C we had databases, I was watching funny prank videos instead of actually doing anything, and in the end the teacher just told me to go home and not waste her time. Cool.

Okay so I took a deeper look into Mutter’s code base, and oh boy, it’s complicated. It seems like I’ll only be able to implement scrolling speed for touchpads and not mouses, but I guess that’s enough.

Okay, I give up. I implemented the setting itself but not a way to set it yet. I guess I’ll continue tomorrow.

My laptop’s up arrow button started getting suck, and I thought my monitor/GPU started dying because there was a random red line that somehow vanished. Cool. That’s the exact kind of thing I expected from my life.

2021-04-14

Well, today I continued what I started yesterday and sort of succeded. I managed to make the setting work and even submitted a merge request. But to be fair, it sucks fucking balls, and there’s no way it can get accepted. I also tried to make the setting work with mice but failed because couldn’t figure out Glib bullshit. That certainly makes me feel like a failure as a programmer and an imposter (sus 😳). In any case, the classes were pretty good today. I managed to do everything I just described on the first class of programming and spent the other 2 classes of 1C doing nothing. She was supposed to check the rest of my works but somehow didn’t find time. Well, who gives a shit.

2021-04-15

So a few days ago saint-images updated his website, which I’m a big fan of, and mentioned that he’d finished his website redesign and the only step that was left was mobile support. I decided to do the same thing as I did for jackomix - write a little CSS snippet that’d fix everything. Unfortutanely, it turned out that I couldn’t do in this case because he did everything using tables and iframes, and it’d be a good idea just to rewrite everything. While I could theoretically do it, I decided to just forget about it. Yesterday while wandering around Neocities, I stumbled upon his website and decided to do the first thing that was on my mind - politely comment that his markup fucking sucks, which is a pretty common thing for indie websites, and that while I’m not much better in this regard, I’m free to offer him help. As one comment nearly instantly pointed out, I was being a toxic asshole, which is perfectly understandable considering I’m a fucking sociopath, but it made me feel incredible shame. saint-images himself reacted normally to my comment, but I still felt guilt for just throwing shit at a person without actually helping him. I still was interested in the layout of his website, so I decided to recreate it using proper mobile-friendly, at least to the extent I’m capable of, HTML and CSS. I think it turned out pretty good, and he even thanked me for doing it, but I still feel bad for insulting him. I mean it’s just a comment I made on the Internet, so I shouldn’t give a shit, but my complete lack of any kind of life, both online and IRL, doesn’t let this issue slip off so easily. Today I checked Neocities again, and it seems like someone unsubscribed from me. I mean it’s not the first time it happens, and it’s most likely not related to the incident, but for fuck’s sake. My paranoia now won’t let me go for days. You know, I’m very self-concious about my follower count. I never get many followers on any service, which is perfectly reasonable because I’m an uninteresting person and 90% of the time I talk about my problems no one else needs, and whenever someone unsubscribes, I just die inside. Why do I even care about it? It’s just a number on the screen. It’s not like I had any relationship with them, they’re just random people that may or may not like my website. I myself like or not like websites of other people, and there’s nothing wrong with it, so why it be wrong in the opposite direction. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH. What is fucking wrong with me.

Today we had 6 classes. Well, we were supposed to, but the last 2 classes were databases, so I decided that the most rational decision would be to skip them since I’d likely get kicked out like the last time. Those 4 classes that I did have completely wasted me. It’s not like I really studied, but thinking about my recent fuckup completely exhausted me. I feel terrible. Only negative thoughts are coming into my head. I wish I could just die.

I seriously want to fucking kill myself. I see no point in continuing existing - a McDonald’s cashier is my career limit. In short term, I don’t know what to do either because I just want this day to finally end, but I know that tomorrow is not gonna be better. And did I mention, we’re studying on this Saturday. Fucking incredible. That’s some perfect timing right here.

2021-04-16

Well, there’s not much I can say that I didn’t say yesterday. I’m absolutely devastated. If there was a gun near me, I’d absolutely shoot myself. The best I can do now is to wait until I can get a psychologist appointment.

2021-04-17

Today we had another English exam preparation class, and it allowed me to skip college. The college classes were awful, and it’s good that I skipped them because I’d fucking implode because of sadness if even a little thing went wrong. On the classes we discussed the listening and writing parts of the exam. It seems like they’re really not that hard, but I’m still bad at them because I’m inattentive and make really stupid mistakes. On next Saturday we have a mock exam, so we’ll see how exactly stupid I really am. Other than the classes, I felt better today. The will to kill myself didn’t go away, but my mood wasn’t as bad as yersterday at least. I still couldn’t force myself to do anything though, so I guess I can try again tomorrow.

2021-04-18

I felt about as good as yesterday (i.e. almost no suicidal thoughts), but the day was extremely fucking boring. I went shopping with my dad, and it was about the only interesting thing for the day. I also helped my friend with his website, which motivated me to help myself with my own website too. Long story short, I refactored some stuff, which I should’ve done a long time ago. I couldn’t force myself to do anything college-related though.

2021-04-19

The day started pretty shitty. I was about as sad as usual, and it continued for quite some time. The first 2 classes were awfully boring, so the only choice my friend and I had is to start developing the game I saw in my dream, PToilet. Well, it only took us like 2 ours, and here it is. To be fair, it sucks, and it’d be great to rewrite it in JavaScript, but it’s better than nothing. On the last class, someone mentioned my LGBT people list, so we had quite a conversation about it. We identified one more LGBT person, found out that one cute boy is a transphobic troll, and laughed at how some of us are gay despite not looking like it. Also I got an interesting idea to write an app that identified your gender and sexuality based on your input, sort of like 8values. I’ll start coding it when I have time.

2021-04-20

Yesterday we were told that we wouldn’t have the first class today due to the teacher doing some important business. Guess what, they were wrong - the teacher, who at the same time also governs some pretty important stuff in our college, managed to find time just for our class. As you can expect, no one told us about it, and we just didn’t attend. Right in your face, motherfucker. I guess she was furious, but I couldn’t care less because she’s a major asshole just like the P.E. teacher and the English teacher, the last of whom also does some important shit and additionally tortures me with “special treatment.” In any case, there’s not much I could do personally because when I heard the news, 20 minutes of the class already passed while I was on the shitter in the process of slowly laying turds. When dressing up to get out, I remembered that someone actually code reviewed my number printer thingy on Stack Exchange, so I just had to read it. From the first couple of lines, it was obvious that I severely fucked up and they were reasonably covering me in shit. I was anxious to read it, so it took me some time, but in the end, it wasn’t actually so bad because I just fucked up in a few corner cases, which mostly don’t affect my little library. Considering it was my first attempt and I’m jack shit of a real programmer that doesn’t know what she’s doing, I’d call that success. I’ll, of course, try to fix those issues in any case because I won’t be able to let it go until it’s as perfect as I can manage. So yeah, after getting to college we had a P.E. lesson, on which we were tortured with useless trivia quizzes. It was pretty bad but not as bad as actually doing any physical exercises. The next lesson was going to be English, so my friend and I had to quickly do the homework so our asses don’t get kicked. We tried to do it remotely but failed because it was really awkward. After English, we were supposed to have databases, but I guess the teacher just gave up and allowed us to leave. Good. Right now my mood is not so bad, and I feel like watching my monthly dose of anime. We don’t know when we’re supposed to present that shit that we were doing on the practice, so I guess I still have time to write a report.

Well, I spent the rest of the day playing Minecraft. Good enough, I guess.

2021-04-21

Instead of usual classes, today we had a so-called “military gathering.” No one explained us anything beforehand except that it’d start at a certain time in a certain room, but it was obvious that it was going to be the same kind of disgusting militaristic bullshit they always shove down our throats. Unlike my friends, I didn’t have an excuse not to attend today since I didn’t even know what it was going to be, so I had no choice but to go there at least once. The class started a little bit late, and there were another group sitting in the same room at the same time. There was only one person teaching us - a random P.E. guy, whose face I absolutely can’t fucking stand because he looks like a typical toxic excessively masculine guy. But at least there were no guys from the actual military there, which I expected as a possibility. Right after the class started, the first thing he did was saying “only males need to attend this classes, everyone else can go home.” There are no words in the world that can describe the levels of pain I experienced after hearing it. I cursed the day God decided me to be born in this body with every cell of my body and was almost ready to start screaminy out of desperation. I’d probably say that this phrase was the thing that flushed any chances of this day being any decent down the shitter as I’m still cursing my body and have nothing in my head other than plans to kill myself. In any case, we only had 1 class because it was the introduction or who the fuck cares what. We had no copybooks, so we had to write the lecture on paper sheets that later would probably be disposed by wiping the ass or burned. The lecture was about technical specs of 2 random guns and 2 grenades, which are, I guess, the most used in the military, but who needs that information in any case. Then he brought 2 guns and told us to disassemble and assemble them back to practice some shit. After the practice, he told us that each one of us had to do it again, this time with a timer, because we apparently need to be able to do it in a short time (like, 30 seconds) and he was going to track our progress. Obviously, since I’d never touched a gun in my life, it took me more than 3 minutes to do it, but in the end I was finally free. But the things don’t look as fine from now - this shit is going to continue until the end of the week (including Saturday). He told us that tomorrow, in addition to psychological torture, they’ll add physical torture by making us do military exercises and ranking us based on how well we perform. He also told us that we’re going to go to a shooting range at some point, which I doubt is a good idea because giving a person who wants to kill herself a gun is not the smartest decision. So as you can expect, there’s absolutely no fucking way that I’ll attend any of that shit. We were told that attendance to this crap will affect our life safety semester grade, but I don’t care since I’d rather cry in the bed all day long than let those fuckers humiliate and abuse me. So right now, as I mentioned, the things are not going to well. I’m terribly sad and see no way the things can ever get better. It’d be cool to go to the psychologist, but I once again forgot to schedule an appointment, but even if I did, the waiting times are incredibly long, so yeah. I’m thinking of skipping today’s English exam preparation classes and just sleep for the rest of the day, but I don’t know.

2021-04-22

According to my friend who did attend today, physical torture did take place, so I guess it’s good that I skipped the classes. Despite my best efforts (just kidding, I haven’t even tried), it was a pretty lazy day. But to be fair, I did take 3 items of my todo list.

2021-04-23

As promised, we went to a shooting range. Nothing extraordinary happened except, perhaps, me not missing for once. The whole thing didn’t even take much time, so I guess I’m satisfied with it. Tomorrow we were told some really important shit happens, so I’ll have to skip my mock English exam. Well, too bad.

2021-04-24

Sigh. Nothing important happened. There was literally no reason to attend and skip my English mock exam today. For fuck’s sake. In any case, the day was okay. I wanted to do something productive today, so I decided to finally try again to implement scrolling speed for GNOME, and this time I succeeded. It took me much more time than I expected, so I couldn’t do any college stuff, but I guess it was good enough regardless.

2021-04-25

This was a nice sunny day, but I just couldn’t enjoy it. I only managed to get outside for like 20 minutes to buy some food. I really wanted to go somewhere and do something, but there was just no such opportunity. While being stuck at home, I didn’t do much regarding entertaining myself. I did manage to take 1.5 items off my todo list - I did the group part of our presentation that’s probably gonna happen the next week and finally submitted some GNOME bug reports that I wanted to do for a while, but I didn’t get any enjoyment out of it. Well, it’s not like I usually get enjoyment out of anything, but I hoped that the only day of the week I can actually take some rest at would provide that. In any case, I had an idea to go to the cinema because I still have that free ticket certificate, but I’m too lazy to lift my ass, so it’s quite unlikely that I’ll do it today. Tomorrow we have a ton of classess, so probably it won’t happen tomorrow either. Well, dammit.

2021-04-26

Pretty much expectedly, the week started with a firm slap in my face by the life. As you might know, my mental health is not doing very well, so yesterday I decided that today would be the day when I finally schedule an appointment with my therapist. Unfortunately, even though I got reminded to do it, leaving me with no excuse, I didn’t have enough time to do it because I had to run to the classes or else I’d be inexcusably late. The clinic accepts calls only until a certain time, so today I had no chance. I’m not entirely sure what I can do in this case other than try it over and over every day until I succeed, but I doubt they would go through the trouble of reminding me every day. In any case, the weather recently has been pretty nice, so I decided to go out in a hoodie only with no coat, and I absolutely made the right choice. The weather doesn’t seem to be going to get worse any time soon, so I guess I’ll keep wearing no coat. The first class was English. Nothing particularly interesting happened - she was about as much of an asshole as usual. Then we had databases, and oh boy, she managed to surprise me. She gave us absolutely no information on what to do but still insisted that we do it. When I managed to understand what she wanted and do the task, she disregarded it and told me to do on her eyes. Since when this thing happened, the class already ended, so I refused to do it on my free time. She gave me 2 F grades. I’m absolutely infuriated by the audacity of this bitch. The only thing I want to do now is to slap her face so bad that she breaks her nose and drowns in her blood. I wish nothing but suffering to this awful “person” and hope that a road roller runs her over tomorrow on her way to her shitty job, which she doesn’t deserve. Sigh. The next class was supposed to be P.E., but instead we were working as janitors getting rid of the leaves laying on the ground. Omitting the fact that it’s questionably legal, humiliating, and makes no sense, it wasn’t actually so bad. I still wanted to grab a rock and throw it to the window of our director, which apparently could see us, and then defecate on his face, but the suffering wasn’t critical. Just like everyone, I had to be prentending to be working for only about an hour, and then it was over. Next, we had “life safety,” as this is where my mood went to shit for some reason. The whole class was dedicated to a gun assembly/disassembly exam, but since I can’t do it quick enough to get even a D, I just gave up. I spent the whole class contemplating my suicide. The conclusion I came to is that the most realistic way for me to die is to jump off a bridge since it’d be very likely that I’d die without anyone stopping me or an ambulance spoiling everything. The other option I was thinking about was jumping off the college staircase from the 4th floor down to the -1st floor. While I wouldn’t be as likely to die in this case, the option is still interesting since it’d do a great job at ruining the college’s reputation make it slightly inconvenient for the college stuff by making them get rid of a corpse. Also thanks to advice of my friend, since teachers are responsible for us while we’re at their classes, I could in theory jump while there’s a databases class, ruining her whole life by traumatizing her and potentially making her go to prison, which is the exact thing a bitch like her deserves. The last class was 1C, and it didn’t go well either. I was absolutely not in the mood to do any tasks, so when asked when I’m gonna do anything, I replied “never.” This dumb bitch took my words literally and now expects me to just do nothing and fail the semester. Well, I don’t know how far away from the truth that is, but it’s certain that I’ll now have to humiliate myself to her in case I decide not to give up. God, this whole thing makes my blood boil. I wish I could just torture my enemies and see them scream in agony while they’re asking for mercy and I’m rightfully denying it to them. So as you can see, the classes fucking sucked. I had a chance to go to the cinema, partially fixing the problem with entertainment, but decided not to do it for some reason or another. On Wednesday we’re presenting our practice works, but my report is not ready yet. It’s incredibly obvious that there’s no way I can do it in the time left, and I’m so exhausted, I don’t want to even try. You won, life, I fully accept that I lost. Now let me fucking go.

2021-04-27

The day wasn’t as bad, but I was still suffering the aftermath of yesterday’s fuckness. I had quite some sleep, but it certainly wasn’t enough. The first 2 classes were supposed to be databases, but I misread the schedule, so I thought my part my the group doesn’t need to attend. In any case, thank God because I can’t stand that bitch. After that, there was 1C, which I did attend. I spent the whole class doing nothing, and the teacher was luckily not against it. Then we were supposed to have another databases, but I said “fuck it” and left. I went straight to the cinema, where there was a film on the time I wanted. It wasn’t Mortal Kombat, but eh, I guess it’s good enough. Tomorrow we present our shit, so while there’s still no way I can do the report so quickly, I’ll at least try to do the presentation and the speech, so my ass doesn’t get kicked as soon as possible.

2021-04-28

The things seem to be getting better as I don’t feel as sad. The morning today was kinda cold, so I wore a coat, but it suddenly got hot later, so it was probably a mistake. It’d be reasonable if I just put the coat in my closet until it’s fall again because I may be not as lucky as today when I had a bag to put it in. The classes were fine. Apart from the P.E. teacher being asshole as usual, everything, including the presentation, went flawlessly. We were told that it wasn’t the smartest decision of ours to not have reports today, but they didn’t do anything officially, so I guess we still have a chance to submit them later. After the classes, my mom and I went to my therapist, which told us that we better try another clinic because they’d handle my shit better. Well, great, because I already have to look for another doctor to get estrogen, so why not. After that, we spent a shitton of money at KFC, which is nothing out of ordinary.

2021-04-29

While my todo list is only getting longer, I keep feeling alright. I hope it stays like this. The first class was supposed to be databases, but it luckily got canceled. Or did it, actually? Our curator came in on the first class and started complaining, and I think it was about there being the first class, but I wasn’t listening carefully, so I might be wrong. In any case, who fucking cares. This pathetic bitch doesn’t deserve her classes to be attended. My friends decided to go a little step further and not attend any classes. It’d be a bit more fun if they were there, but it was good enough regardless, I guess. We had 3 classes of application programming, which I ignored as usual. We were supposed to program some C# database shit, but I was instead working on Speaco. I fixed a few bugs and refactored quite some code and styling. Overall, it was quite productive, so I’m satisfied. I also found out a bug in GNOME Shell, but it turned out it was a duplicate. Well, shit happens.

2021-04-30

Today we were supposed to have 3 classes, all of which would be databases. Due to the refusal of my body to wake up and being scared of appearing in front of the eyes of The Bitch™, I had to skip first 2 of them. The class I did attend went fine. We wrote a small lecture, did a small task, and she graded me. After the classes, I ate a shitton of food, which reminds me that I need to learn to control myself in this regard. In any case, we now have like almost 2 weeks of weekends, so I wonder how I’m gonna find things to do.