01 - January


2021-01-01

This was going to be another uneventful day, but I ended up taking a nap for too long and sleeping throughout the whole day. I hope it didn’t fuck up my sleeping schedule again.

2021-01-02

I went to my grandma. That’s about it.

2021-01-03

I spent the day watching weird YouTube videos. Notable examples include That Japanese Man Yuta (no I’m not slowly becoming a weeaboo, it’s just for scientific purposes) and NFKRZ. The second one is pretty interesting because he reminds me of how relatively good but still imperfect my English is and how I’m degrading day by day because of not enough practice. I mean whatever :)

2021-01-04

I’m back from my grandma. That’s about it.

Today I finally managed to talk to some people, this time on the Neocities discord server. Feels good man. God, I’m so lonely.

2021-01-05

I forgot to mention it, but we’re planning to move to the center of the city. We actually already bought an apartment and are going to sell this one when we’ve moved. Today we were bying things needed to repair the whole thing to a presentable state, including amazing BRICC wallpapers for my room. I visited the apartment for the first time today, and I have to say it currently looks like a bad soviet fever dream. Luckily, this time, we won’t have to put much effort into repairing it because we hired a bunch of guys to do things for us.

2021-01-06

We bought some lighting equipment for out future home. That’s about it for the day, but it’s not like we had anything else planned.

2021-01-07

We spent the day demolishing the insides of the apartment so it can be renovated later. In contrast to what I thought, it absolutely wasn’t fun, and we also barely made any progress. Most of the wooden stuff and wallpapers have already been destroyed, but everything else, including the old ass soviet floors, is still there. One funny thing that happened is how we had to lift 4 rolls of floor material via the window because it was too wide to fit the staircase. Unfortunately I couldn’t help them with that, so some random guy from the street did. I’m not sure how the guys we invited are going to unwrap the whole thing, but I guess it’s not our problem.

2021-01-08

I decided to not to go the place today and leave my parents alone. They didn’t mind it, and I hope they did well today. Instead I did nothing as usual and also finally came up with a solution to my broken touchpad - libinput-touchpad-scroll-fix. I hope it’ll be useful to more than just me.

Update: nope, they didn’t do well. Not only the barely made any progress, it also turned out that the walls inside of the apartment are soviet cardboard crap, and now they’re going to destroy every single wall there. Holy shit.

2021-01-09

Uhhh, not much happened. I had the first English class this year. It was alright (meaning I got another chance to talk in English to actual human beings) except the fact that I didn’t do the homework again. My parents were meanwhile continuing with wall destruction. I’m not sure how they’re dealing with the construction waste.

2021-01-10

I was forced to go with them this time. It turned out destroying walls produces much more waste than I expected. We managed to get rid of 2 out of 3 piles of waste, but the last one is bigger than the other 2 combined. It seems reasonable to assume that we won’t be able to get rid of it on time, but my parents are very optimistic in this regard for some reason. Tomorrow 3 more walls are going to be destroyed, but I hope it won’t involve me this time as I’m tired as fuck.

2021-01-11

Yup, I didn’t have to be there. Do I feel bad about doing so? Probably yes, but whatever, I had enough yesterday and they could manage everything, so I guess it’s not that bad. In any case, it was mostly another day of desperately trying to find something to do. As usual, I was falling back to watching YouTube videos. Maybe I need to finally program something.

2021-01-12

The winter break is over; this was the first day of the torture continuation. As I expected, the subjects didn’t get any better, and we’re still learning God knows what. The phrase that kinda surprised me was from our new teacher - “only 30% of the students passed this exam last year, so the chances are you probably won’t pass.” What kind of bullshit is that? This is literally unmasked taking my hope of a better future away. Thank you, asshole, that was very inspiring. I want to kill myself.

Recently I started reading about the recent Mozilla controversy with their latest deplatforming blogpost. I’m not sure what opinion to have on it. I’m not too competent in politics, especially in US ones, which are messy as hell with both sides doing ridiculous shit. Only one thing is certain - this shit will be yet another hit to their reputation regardless of whether they’re right or not. Even though it hurts, I’ll continue reading about the topic, and hopefully I’ll form an opinion sometime.

I acknowledge that by doing so, I’ll be in a dangerous position, but I’ll attempt to write down my thoughts on this later in form of a list.

By the way, if you’re reading this and you want to talk to me about the thing, please mind that my email is open for you.

Okay, here we go:

2021-01-13

The second day of torture. Even more useless subjects were introduced. As we were told, the exams are going to be even more insane than for that subject, and I seriously doubt that I can pass. I seriously need help.

Yesterday I had a little bit of a debate on a Discord server called Equality. We discussed the whole Mozilla situation, and here are my thoughts afterwards. The recent Twitter ban of Donald Trump can be justified because Twitter doesn’t qualify as an essential service, thus it can police its content as it pleases. The recent AWS ban of Parler is, however, not so simple. I’m not sure if a cloud service provider qualifies as an essential service like, for example, light and running water are, so their decision is ethically questionable. Also I’m still not sure if deplatforming is good solution after all.

2021-01-14

Were were supposed to have 2 classes today, the latter of which would be P.E., but ended up having only the first one. That’s about the only thing stopping this day from being awful. I feel kinda dead inside. I know things are not going to ever get better, and it saddens me.

Another groupmate discovered my website. Here’s a hello in case you’re reading this.

2021-01-15

The day wasn’t quite as good as I wanted. We had 4 classes today, and I felt pretty terrible on them. My studying abilities are getting only worse and worse each day, so I’m not sure how I’m going to survive this year. Thank god overeating helps a bit in terms of the mood.

So, yeah, I’m still not sure about that Mozilla thing. I need to talk to more people about the whole censorship thing.

2021-01-16

Wow, a weekend and it wasn’t even boring? What a miracle!

Instead of worrying about politics, I now worry about whether the release of GNOME 40 is going to be a disaster. Great.

I decided that libinput-touchpad-scroll-fix is not enough and started developing libinput-config. It does exactly what you expect - configures libinput. It would be very cool if I didn’t have to develop it and the libinput guys just added a config themselves, but we have what we have.

Update: here you go.

2021-01-17

If yesterday was okay, how come today was boring as fuck? Also where did my enjoyment of my accomplishment go? And in addition to all of that, why was I so fucking hungry? Come on, life, that’s not what I wanted from you.

2021-01-18

It was a sort of rough start of the week - we had 4 classes. I spent most of them being hungry and thinking about food. I did get a chance to it in the end - I tried a vegan shawarma for the first time. Instead of chicken, it had mushrooms, and I have to say, I couldn’t even tell the difference. I’m pretty satisfied with it and I might even buy it from on now.

libinput-config seems to be doing really fine. I got 2.5 likes on my bug report comment, 2 GitLab stars, and even 1 fork. I also added a pointer speed setting, which I forgot to add before.

Update: I forgot to mention, but my grandma is selling her apartment and moving to us. Today we were transporting her stuff to our new apartment. By the way, apparently libinput-config also got 1 issue, where a guy couldn’t compile the thing because of the old meson version. Brilliant.

2021-01-19

nigga i feel so drugged

i just can’t write down my thoughts

basically the things were better before because i could handle most of the days

like we only rarely had subjects on which i couldn’t literally understand shit but now they’re everyday

oh god please help me

i don’t know how to even describe this drugged feeling

like right i have problems concentrating but that’s not just it

i can barely put my thoughts into words

like my thoughts are falling apart

i don’t know if that even makes sense

in any case that’s it for the day i need to take a rest

okay fuck it here’s some more info

by concentrating i mean being able to focus visually

which i do have problems with

but i also have problems with focusing in terms of sounds

like i’m not able to understand what’s being said

and at the same time not being able to say something in response

sounds cool right

well it fucking isn’t