12 - December


The shit yesterday hit so hard, it was still affecting me today. As a result, I didn’t do shit again.

I had an idea to publish some of my private text files, but it turned out I don’t have many of them, so I decided not to. I also had an even more insane idea of replacing my todo list with a public GitLab issue tracker, but it seems like if I do, I’ll never look at it.

Update: I added a secret theme switcher to my website.


For the third day in a row, we had a math class, and it seems like it’s gonna continue for at least 2 weeks. I hate my life. Today I wasn’t as lazy as yesterday and managed to make some progress on the report, but it wasn’t nearly enough.


I decided not to make any more changes to the report and finally made a presentation. It seems like we’re presenting the next week, possibly on Monday. Meanwhile math torture continues, and it’s slowly making me lose hope.


About a year ago I had an idea to build a JSON-based markup language. For some reason, I recently suddenly remembered it, and now I’ll just have to implement it. You can track my progress here.


I greatly overestimated my programming abilities - writing in such a hellish language as C is a nightmare. But in any case, I somehow managed to implement the serializer, improved the overall code quality, and started writing the deserializer.


Just as I expected, I finished implemeting the lexer. The last part left is the parser, but it’s the hardest one, and considering I don’t know how to implement it, I don’t know how much time it can take me. The weekend ends tomorrow, but I’ll still probably have some time on the classes to code. Wish me luck.


I did have some time on the classes as I expected, and I spent it implementing the core of the parser - the shit can now parse primitives. Unfortunately, I couldn’t finish it because I suddenly started feeling extremely drugged. I need to go to my doctor and finally tell her about the drugs.


I’m done implementing the parser! Now the only steps left are to actually test it and tell everyone about it. Other than that, the day wasn’t as good. Our teacher says we’re presenting the next Tuesday, but I have absolutely no motivation whatsoever to fix my shit.


The classes were pretty late today and there were only 2 of them, so I ended up being one of only 2 people that attended. I had nothing to do but play Game Boy games. Tomorrow the classes are just as useless as today but not as late.

As I wanted to do, I published my programming idea list. I’m assuming you already know where to look for it.


I didn’t sleep well today, so I ended up feeling kinda crappy. Not much happened in terms of studying, so it’s not much of an issue.

I made an issue tracker for my life. Yup, I did. Feel free to open an issue.

God, I want to be a girl so much. I can’t stop thinking about how difficult it would be for me to actually be one in this country, and it saddens me.


I went to the doctor and told her about the feeling drugged problem. She didn’t prescribe a different drug and just told me to take them differently. I hope it helps.

The jamtext project is currently doing fine. I fixed several bugs I’ve found and now am planning to add a testing suite to the whole thing by forking one for JSON.


I spent the day trying to port JSONTestSuite for jamtext. Even though the thing is messy as fuck, I kind of did it. Only after doing it I realized that it makes no sense because there’s only 1 implementation of jamtext, and it’d be a much better idea to just write regular tests.


As I wanted, I wrote a set of regular unit tests. They suck, but some tests are better than none.

Update: I also made the thing more portable by getting rid of open_memstream and fmemopen. It was painful.


We had only one pretty late class today. Nothing interesting happened. We’re presenting our shit tomorrow, and I feel like it’s gonna be a disaster. My report is definitely the worst one in the group, and I’m not sure if I’ll be able to force myself to write a speech instead of improvising.

The jamtext project meanwhile is doing really great (or maybe the opposite, depending how you look at it). I detected and removed a lot of problems and imperfections. Most of them, however, are from the fact that I use C. I really wish I’d chosen to write the thing in Rust instead.


I did manage to write a speech but ended up not using it. Cool. I think it was even better like this because I was actually prepared and knew what to tell about. Overall, I think my presentation was not that bad considering what shit I’ve seen today. The process itself went surprisingly fine - no one even laughed. I think I can even say that I’m satisfied.

Why is it taking so long for my therapist to recover? It’s getting ridiculous, who would want to wait for so long. My mom says we can try DIY, but idk, that sounds kinda dangerous to me, so I think we better try doing it legally first.

Update: I revealed my VK profile, the country of residence and the birthdate. Now stalking me is so much easier!


We had 2 math classes in a row. I was told that the ones with any undone assignments won’t be allowed to the exam. Guess what, that’s my exact case. Fucking incredible. And there’s not much I can do now, considering I completely don’t understand the topics we’re learning. On the second class we were given a class-long task. I couldn’t stand the embarassment and just fleed.


One of the 2 days before the nightmare ends (or at least for some time) is over. Thank God.

GTK 4 got released. I was going to port my apps to it but decided to wait until it’s in the main distros' packages. I was also going to publish some of my secret text files to the blog but decided not to just yet.


“I’m depressed” again. You know, like, because of the usual stuff. My stupidity one more time put me on the verge of getting kicked out, which is not the best thing, considering how fucking useless I am, so I’m once again left with no hope for the better future. Right now it’d be really cool if my antidepressants actually did shit so I at least didn’t want to kill myself.

I’m so fucking tired.


I spent the day taking a break from studying. Not much happened except a couple of minor quality of life improvement in jamtext. Also thanks to my English courses, I now have a proper reusable mask.


Basically, the same shit as yesterday, but instead of a new mask I now have a new keyboard.


My friends offered me to partially fix my math problem by stealing their work. I refused. It may or may not have been a mistake. But in any case, we had a pre-exam consultation today. He just asked us to ask him any questions, and since I didn’t have any, I left just as fast as I came. The exam itself is happening on Wednesday.

I finally managed to ilegally obtain a good quality Gunbuster copy, including the science lessons series. I’m so happy. I’m gonna make a wallpaper collection soon.


This was an extremely boring day. I tried my best to make at least something happen but failed.


The exam went fine because I had an automatic pass and didn’t even have to do any tasks. Cool. Another exam is happening on Friday.

I don’t feel so good. I still can’t stop thinking about Wayland. I tried to write a blogpost about it to get it off my chest, but I just couldn’t find enough arguments.

Update: here’s the blogpost.


We had another consultation today. I decided not to attend, and so did the rest of the group. Good. What’s not good is the fact that I’m absolutely unprepared and not willing to cheat.

I shared the article on Hacker News and the Sway subreddit. Not sure if it helped.


The exam went fine because I got the questions I was actually prepared to answer. Also I finally agreed to give the stolen paper to the math teacher. It seems like I’m finally free for some time. One question still remains - what am I gonna do all this time?


So it’s the first day of the winter break, huh? I didn’t expect it to be so boring.

I tried once again to fix my broken touchpad. (It looks like I forgot to ever mention it, but here’s the summary.) One idea was to write a LD_PRELOAD hack similar to something like this, but it turned out there’s no libinput option for scrolling sensitivity. Damn. Another idea was to do some magic with udev’s hwdb, but that idea failed too because no option seems to work.


The day kinda sucked. First, it was just as boring as fuck, but at least I wasn’t as anxious. Second, I once again tried to rewrite the screenshot taking script, and even though I figured out how to do the gtk-layer-shell magic (i.e. show the window before setting the auto exclusive zone), I still failed to get the shit together. Third, my touchpad straight up died. It did come to life though, but considering it happened to me in the past, I’m now not sure if it’s actually doing well and if I need to return the laptop again.


It was even more boring than yesterday, and I also worried about insignificant stuff more. The New Year is so close, yet I have absolutely no mood.


If the things continue as they are, this is gonna be the dullest New Year on the record.

I forgot to mention, but I changed the profile pic and the website button. Slapper pink is, of course, cool, but a Windows 97 folder better fits the website and creates a nice “brand identity.” What am I even talking about.


This is getting ridiculous. Even the summer wasn’t as boring. There’s literally nothing to do. I’m not sure how I’m gonna survive the next 2 weeks. You know, the previous New Year I was thinking about how cool it was that a decade ended, but now it’s just fucked up.


FUCK. I forgot to take the drugs again and ended up barely sleeping. Now I was both bored, tired, and anxious. Fucking incredible. This is exactly what I expected the New Year to be.

In any case, I came out to my dad. He refuses to understand me. “wHaT Do yOu MeAn yOu’Re UnCoMfOrTaBlE wItH YoUr gEnDeR?” Bruh please. But whatever, what did I expect out of a Russian xoomer.