10 - October


I had a doctor visit today. They prescribed me a better antidepressant and scheduled a therapy session on Monday. I’m not sure what I’m gonna say there, so I guess I’ll make another list.


The exam was a complete miracle. Not only I managed to solve everything I prepared for, but he also made me solve the task I didn’t know how to do, which I did in the end. He also gave me a good grade in the end. God, life is worth living sometimes.


Despite yesterday being great, I didn’t wake up feeling as good. The English class improved the situation but not by much. I had a lot of homework planned to do today, but despite my efforts, I couldn’t make myself do anything.

Also today I went to my grandma again because I haven’t washed my clothes for over 2 weeks and our washing machine just happens to be broken.


Aaaaaaahhhh. I failed to do anything again. What the hell is wrong with me?


I had to skip today’s therapy session because I was worried that I’m bothering them with my bullshit. How were they supposed to help me with my procrastination in any case? Other than that, it was another exhausting day of studying.


God, I hate studying here so much. The things we’re learning are fucking useless, and the material is getting too damn hard for me. I can barely keep up with it, and I doubt I can do it for much longer. Or maybe not, whatever.

By the way, I walked 19000 steps today.


I suddenly bought a very expensive questionable quality laptop. I spent a lot of time configuting it (which says a lot about how much I didn’t automate in my rice when I really need to), and it made me really tired, so I’ll post more info tomorrow.


I had to study, so I didn’t have much time to configure the laptop, so I’ll have to continue tomorrow. Today I finally went to the ophthalmologist because my vision suddenly got too fucked up. After that I was going to go to my grandma, but it was too late, so I decided to go tomorrow.


Just as I planned, I went to my grandma and finally configured the laptop. I spent some time there, but at some point I decided that it’s too boting here and I need to go home. My grandma is pretty lonely here, so it made her really sad, and I had nothing to do at home in any case, so I went back to her.


After one more visit home, I now have unlimitied mobile internet. Finally, using my laptop, I can do absolutely nothing everywhere I want. At the end of the day, I was sent home because my mom was worried about my blood temperature. That sucks, of course, but she says it’s better that I’m now somewhere I can be helped just in case.


I spent the whole day looking for things to do. My friend says I really need to find a hobby, which I agree with, but he says I need to try writing music, and I’m not sure.


Another math class and another undoable task. For fuck’s sake.


Today I brought my laptop to school for the first time. We were in a computer classroom, so there were little point in doing that, but I did it anyway. Except the fact that I was constantly worried about the battery, it was alright. Tomorrow we have remote classes, and I wanted to go to my grandma, but my blood temperature fucked everything up again.


I don’t know if I did the right thing, but I went to her in any case. Why am I like this?


I started playing Deltarune: Chapter 1, and I’m still constantly worried about my laptop’s battery. Also my parent’s old file rescue operation is being continued - I acquired their old laptop, the very one I used when I was like 4.

By the way, 14000 steps. I think I should set up a page where you can just check my walking progress.


Some weird shit is happening to my eyes. They just start to roll up, and it just happens to happen at the same time as I have “feeling drugged” episodes. I don’t really know what to do, and I’m not even sure if I’m not making it up. My mom says it may be because of my medication.


I went to my grandma again, where I finished Deltarune: Chapter 1. I’m so hyped up for the final release of the game. I swear when it happens, I’ll make it the first game I’ve bought instead of pirating.

Update: I’ve bought Undertale.


It was another day of desperately trying to find something to do.


We were going to have only 2 classes today but ended up having one because the math teacher got sick, and we now also won’t have a math class tomorrow. Thank god.


It turned out tomorrow we’ll have remote classes again, so I went to my grandma one more time. As you can expect, there wasn’t much for me to do except playing video games.


I spent the day doing homework and continuing to play Doki Doki Literature club. It turned out we’ll have remote classes tomorrow too, but the English class today wasn’t remote, so I had to go back home.


Just for several hours, I went back to my grandma, where I finished playing DDLC and took a shower. I think I started going to her much too often. So often, in fact, that I should probably stop mentioning it here. But, whatever, both of us enjoy those visits, so I’ll visit her once again on Saturday.


Another day of playing video games instead of studying. Nothing interesting.


I spent the day replaying Undertale. After all this time, the game is still unbelievably amazing.


I finished playing Undertale. It was as satisfying as the first time.

I probably forgot to mention it, but I now have a sticker collection on the back of my laptop. It took me quite some time to find some funny stickers, but now there are several new ones. Maybe I’ll show it some day.


Laptop torture continues. First, more stickers. Second, in attempt to improve battery life, I installed a tool called TLP. We’ll see how it goes.


It turned out I had quite some homework not done. I did most of it quickly, so I hope no one is gonna get angry :)

By the way, I finally came out to my closest friend.


My laptop doesn’t stop surprising me. It turns out that after only 3 weeks of use the battery lost 10% of its capacity. What the fuck? I’m pretty sure the battery is fine, and it’s just a calibration issue. I tried recalibrating it today but fucked up by instantly recharging the laptop after the battery drained. Well, I still have tomorrow to try again. If the battery is actually dying, this is gonna be very bad because getting it replaced will be a major headache for me, considering where I live. I regret bying this laptop.

By the way, another coming out to another close friend. Unfortunately, he refuses to take me seriously, but there’s nothing I can do about it. Whatever.


This time I waited after discharging the laptop’s bettery. We’ll see tomorrow if the battery is actually fucked. I hope it’s not.


The battery is fucked. Not as much as I thought but still fucked. They say it can take as much as 45 days to repair it. Oh well.

Also more coming outs is planning. One is happening tomorrow to my friend and I’m also planning to come out to my parents soon. My mom will probably be fine with that, but I’m not sure about my dad.


I’m back at my grandma’s, this time with no laptop. Don’t worry, I didn’t forget about my diary, as you can notice by reading this. The coming out was a success, and she’s also now interested in my diary. Here’s a hi in case you’re reading this.