09 - September


The first day, and it already sucks ass. I was assigned a 5 day long task, but I did all of it today, so I can be bored as usual for the rest of the week. The problem is that I have to make a report that I did this task, which involves using Microsoft Word. This program is driving me fucking insane.


A miracle happened and, with some help of my mom, I managed to halfass the report. This shit is gonna haunt me for the rest of my life.


Guess what, my suffering is not over yet because I have to also make a presentation. I can’t express how fucking retarded this very idea is - there’s absolutely nothing to present. God, I hate my life so much. If only there was an escape other than killing myself.


Another miracle happened and, with some help of my friend, I fixed the report, but I still don’t know what to do with the presentation. The other problem is that my math situation is still not fixed, and I can and most likely will get me kicked out. Please someone help.


I still don’t know what to do with the presentation. Maybe I just need to wait for another miracle.

Here’s some cool music:


I did it. It’s horrible, and I can’t even imagine actually presenting it, but I did it. The (non-remote) classes officially star tomorrow, and I’m anxious as fuck. Not only I didn’t get any rest on the summer holidays, but also 2 of my least favorite subjects - math and PE - are tomorrow. Please someone free me out of this misery.


So it wasn’t that bad. The math was (mostly) fine, PE got conveniently got canceled, and it turned out we won’t have to present anything until tomorrow. Haven’t I got a headache afterwards, this would be a completely cool day. I hope it stays like this.


Remember what I said about math? Nevermind - this fucker gave us an enormous task, which absolutely no one could complete in the given time. Also we had a new subject today, and the teacher turned out to be an asshole too. What a fucking jackpot. And in addition to all of that, my bag went apeshit, so I had to buy a new one. So yeah, the day kinda sucked. But on the bright side, I now have a new bag, and I also walked more than 12000 steps.


The day was completely uninteresting. The math problem is still making me worry. I’m quite unsure if I’ll manage to both pay my task debt and keep up with the classes. Maybe I’m still doomed.


With the help of my friends, I recalled and listed a fuckton of Russian TV series I’ve seen in my life. Not much else happened, and I really want it to be finally a weekend.


Tomorrow is finally a weekend. I seriously need some rest, so thank god.


We’ve got a new cat - Susie :) I was also going to go to my grandma but decided that petting the cat is more important.


So I went (almost 10000 steps) to my grandma to tell her that I’ll fucking kill her if anything happens to any of the cats. My mom tells me there’s nothing to worry about, but I’m afraid my grandma still can do something. Man, this old lady is driving me insane. On a brighter note, I had a dream about my laptop today, so I decided to finally resurrect it. I installed the default Debian with GNOME, but it seems like it’s as usable as my ass, so I’ll probably have to install XFCE or something.


I spent the whole day worrying about the cat, but everything is fine so far. Except maybe the fact that she’s still very shy and is constantly hiding somewhere. I’m not sure when she’s even gonna eat and shit in the right place, but my mom says I just need not to bother her.


Remember what our math teacher did a week ago? Guess what - the fucker did it again. This time, however, I literally couldn’t do shit, and he still didn’t explain anything. God, this shit upsets me so much. How am I even going to survive the rest of the year? But, hey, at least I walked 16000 steps today.


So I had the first English courses class today. First of, the group was larger than I expected - 4 people in addition to me and not 2, and the whole thing was much more serious than I thought. It seems like I’ll really have to study now. Second of, holy shit, they talked a lot. In my previous group, I was the one talking too much, and I absolutely didn’t expect being put in a group with 4 extraverted girls.

By the way, it seems like my cat, Susie, has adapted to everyone in my family… except me. What the actual fuck.


I woke up feeling like an absolute ass, so I had to skip (most of) the classes. I had to voluntarily go to the hospital, which I’ve never done before. As I should’ve excepted, it was awful. I don’t know how they manage to cure people there while being so unfriendly. Now I’ll have to sit at home until Monday, and hopefully everything will go fine.

By the way, I was notified when I’m gonna retake my math exam. I’m pretty sure that I’ll fail it because I still don’t know shit, and it kinda makes me sad. I’ve already spent 2 years in this shithole, and all of this was for nothing? My mom tells me not to worry about it and that I’ll sure pass the exam, but I don’t trust her.


For a long time, (and rightfully so) I haven’t been invited as a guest by anyone, but it changed today. 2 of my groupmates invited me, and apart from some embarassing moments, it was alright. We ate pizza, watched Incredibles 2, and were going to watch Another Gay Sequel, but it turned out to be bad. Also as usual, I went back home on foot and walked 10000 steps, but it’s not so impressive because it’s the third day in a row I walk over 7000 steps.


I had another English class today, and it felt a little bit worse. I hope it doesn’t get too bad over time. Also it turns out I forgot to upload yet another archive of this website to the Internet Archive.


Since I woke up, I was thinking about what I should do today, but I haven’t found anything to do in the end. Tomorrow I have to go to the hospital, and I’m really scared. As I mentioned, I’ve never done that before, and the hospital itself is fucking awful. I’m not sure what I’m gonna do.


Just as I expected, I spent literally 5 hours waiting in lines. That sucks, but I guess it proved that I still have some patience.


The things are only getting worse. Each day I’m getting more and more sure that I’ll soon get kicked out. I don’t know what to do and feel like giving up.


For some reason, I thought today would be Tuesday, so I forgot to redo and bring my report, but it turned out I sort of can do it today. God knows why, but tomorrow we’ll have to present our shit again, and I really don’t want to do it. The thing that additionally saddens me is that even after I do it, I’ll still have math left, and it’s an obstacle I can’t jump over.

By the way, I had another English class today, and I failed to communicate with people again. God, why do I have to be this lonely? Please someone talk to me.


The presentation didn’t quite go as planned. Mine wasn’t anything like I was supposed to make, and I was going to present it in any case, but it didn’t happen. People were trying to help me, but they pushed too far, and I just tore apart my speech and gave up on presenting at all. In the end there just wasn’t enough time for me to present, and I was saved. Thank God, I guess? In any case, it won’t save me from the math exam, which, by the way, is tomorrow. As I mentioned countless times already, I’m gonna fail it, and I don’t know what to do afterwards. Please someone end my misery already.


The teacher didn’t show up to his own exam, so I fled like a coward, which I regret doing. My mom tried her best to convince me to stay in any case, but even if I did, my plan was to just tell him that I give up. The situation got much more fucked up, and I don’t know what to do now and feel like an absolute ass.


I’m fucked :)


I still felt like ass and was constatly panicking, but at least I did most of the homework. Pretty sure it won’t help me with not getting kicked out, but whatever.


I was told to go to my math teacher, and as I wanted to do back then, I just told him that I give up. Obviously, he couldn’t do anything, so he told me to just go back to my seat. So in the end, the problem is still not solved, and I feel even worse.


I was told that today there would be another exam attempt, which I absolutely wouldn’t fail, but it didn’t happen. I want to die. Currently we’re negotiating on another attempt on Friday, but I’m still not sure if it certain that I won’t fail.


The negotiation is mostly complete - I will indeed have another attempt on Friday. This time I’m a little bit more hopeful, and I think I might actually pass.

Also another English class today. We had to use a proprietary piece of garbage called Zoom, and it was kinda bad. Well, it’ll have to be like this for some time, and there’s nothing I can do.