08 - August


2020-08-01

My usual series of problems continues. The day was boring as fuck, but I didn’t do shit about it because I’m lazy and scared. Also my overeating problem came back.

2020-08-02

Like several days ago, I had another long distance walk. It wasn’t as long, so I didn’t lose as many calories, but whatever, I tried my best.

By the way, I’ve finally been informed about my diagnosis - STPD. I tried to look up some info about it, but I’m still not sure how relatable it is.

2020-08-03

Another boring day, which I tried to fix by watching a movie. Didn’t work so well.

2020-08-04

The same as yesterday but more successful. Also I finally made a backup of a project my friend and I were doing for a while. Here are some good albums I’ve recently listened to:

2020-08-05

The day was a complete ass until I decided to take a nap. It wasn’t so easy because I ran out of my nasal spray and could barely breath, but at least I felt so relaxed afterwards. I also had a choice to watch a film instead, but I kinda got tired of them. Currently I’m thinking of fasting for several days to get rid of some of my fat.

2020-08-06

My relatives offered me to go swimming on an unregulated beach, and I agreed this time. It was kinda cool. I wish I had enough balls to go outside more.

2020-08-07

The weather suddenly got really bad, so I didn’t go anywhere once again. But at least I finally had my chair fixed. Also it turned out it’s more configurable than I thought, and I’m now desperately trying to find the perfect configuration.

2020-08-08

I was invited once again, this time to a proper regulated beach. It was alright, but I still didn’t burn as many calories as I consumed. Please help.

2020-08-09

I was going to go to grandma to waste some time but ended up watching quite possibly the best anime in my entire life. Good.

2020-08-10

Your Name, which I watched yesterday, couldn’t get out of my head the whole day, and I even could barely fall asleep because of that. But, in any case, I was invited again, this time to a pool. The whole thing nearly got cancelled at one moment, and I thought it was really good that it didn’t because it’d be another boring day otherwise. Unluckily, despite it being Monday evening with additional kinda shitty weather, a lot of people were at that pool, so I had to flee. Yeah, it kinda sucks, but at least I walked all the way back home, burning some calories.

By the way, tomorrow sounds like a good day to start fasting, so wish me luck.

2020-08-11

I had enough balls and finally went to that pool. Also, just as I promised, I didn’t eat anything, but I decided to eat every other day of the week instead of not eating anything for several days. My mom also joined me - she now eats every day I don’t. Additionaly, I installed a pedometer app on my phone to count how many steps a day I walk. A little over 3000 this day + there would be several tens of hundreds if I installed it yesterday.

2020-08-12

I spent the whole day doing literally nothing, which is kinda bad, considering there are things to do if I don’t want to get kicked the fuck out of the place I’m studying at. I wanted to watch a movie so it’s not so boring, but I couldn’t decide which one.

2020-08-13

Did some minor website updates. Other than that, another extremely boring day. Also my mom managed to convice me to stop fasting. She says I need to adopt another schedule, for example, only eat 8 hours a day.

2020-08-14

The day was awfully boring, and it made me feel like I’m going fucking insane.

2020-08-15

Some time after writing the previous entry, I decided to watch some videos from a newly discovered YouTube channel - Retro Game Mechanics Explained. Listening to his soothing voice somehow managed to make me really happy, and he is the sole reason I could fall asleep with no problem yesterday. Also his videos are really great.

This day passed by kinda quickly, which is great because I still haven’t found what to do. I decided to go to my grandma to watch some movies, but her stupidass TV didn’t see my exFAT USB stick. But at least I walked home from her and burned some calories. I was worried that I wouldn’t walk 10000 steps, but I walked almost 2000 more.

2020-08-16

I was told to study once again, which remainded me that I have absolutely no plan on what to do with my life. The day was horrible, and the only good thing about it was a nice nap.

2020-08-17

The day wasn’t as boring as usual, but now I’m constantly thinking about what the fuck I’m supposed to do after I fail my classes. I haven’t managed to come up with a scenario that doesn’t involve killing myself yet.

2020-08-18

My mom says I’m not completely fucked, but I fail to believe her. The only interesting thing today was my friend making me discover this masterpiece.

2020-08-19

Another extremely boring day. Or, at least, it was until I deep dived into YouTube. One of the interesting videos I’ve seen is this video by Pyrocynical, which I regret watching because the movie he reviewed is really great and managed to touch me.

2020-08-20

Not much happened except me watching a nice anime and walking almost 9000 steps.

2020-08-21

I had to visit my therapist today. I had absolutely nothing new to say, so I was told to come back in January. The rest of the day was spent by overeating and watching YouTube as usual.

2020-08-22

After many years of not doing so, I visited a dacha. Not mine, of course, but a dacha. Except the presence of one possibly drunk military person, it was mostly fine - I are some shashlik, swam in the (questionable quality) pool, and walked around the whole settlement. We had a little problem on our way back (there were 6 of us but only a 5 seats in the car), but we were fine.

2020-08-23

The day passed by so quickly, I didn’t even notice it. September is only 8 days away, and I still have no idea what to do.

2020-08-24

Another boring day. Here’s some music I’ve recently listened to:

2020-08-25

I feel terrible. It’s obvious that I’m fucked in the end in any case, so there’s no reason to do anything now. Why should I even try?

2020-08-26

My mom insists that I’m not fucked because she has a plan for any case, but that’s just bullshit. With no education, I won’t be able to work anywhere for sure, so I won’t ever be happy in my life. The only logical thing for me to do is to commit suicide. But, whatever, the day was like usual.

2020-08-27

I found out the name of the game I played as a child - Домовенок Бу. Other than that, it was another awful day, and I’m thinking of spending the night at my grandma’s house.

2020-08-28

So I did go to grandma. Not only I finally went outside and walked over 6000 steps outside + 5000 steps inside, but I also watched Inside Out, an amazing movie, and am currently in progress of watching Gurren Lagann, an amazing anime.

2020-08-29

I went back home and spent the whole day watching the rest of Gurren Lagann. That’s about it.

2020-08-30

As usual, I spent the whole day trying not to think about what I watched yesterday. Also watching YouTube videos.

2020-08-31

I made a TV series journal. I officially being studying tomorrow, and I’m kinda scared.