08 - August


My usual series of problems continues. The day was boring as fuck, but I didn’t do shit about it because I’m lazy and scared. Also my overeating problem came back.


Like several days ago, I had another long distance walk. It wasn’t as long, so I didn’t lose as many calories, but whatever, I tried my best.

By the way, I’ve finally been informed about my diagnosis - STPD. I tried to look up some info about it, but I’m still not sure how relatable it is.


Another boring day, which I tried to fix by watching a movie. Didn’t work so well.


The same as yesterday but more successful. Also I finally made a backup of a project my friend and I were doing for a while. Here are some good albums I’ve recently listened to:


The day was a complete ass until I decided to take a nap. It wasn’t so easy because I ran out of my nasal spray and could barely breath, but at least I felt so relaxed afterwards. I also had a choice to watch a film instead, but I kinda got tired of them. Currently I’m thinking of fasting for several days to get rid of some of my fat.


My relatives offered me to go swimming on an unregulated beach, and I agreed this time. It was kinda cool. I wish I had enough balls to go outside more.


The weather suddenly got really bad, so I didn’t go anywhere once again. But at least I finally had my chair fixed. Also it turned out it’s more configurable than I thought, and I’m now desperately trying to find the perfect configuration.


I was invited once again, this time to a proper regulated beach. It was alright, but I still didn’t burn as many calories as I consumed. Please help.


I was going to go to grandma to waste some time but ended up watching quite possibly the best anime in my entire life. Good.


Your Name, which I watched yesterday, couldn’t get out of my head the whole day, and I even could barely fall asleep because of that. But, in any case, I was invited again, this time to a pool. The whole thing nearly got cancelled at one moment, and I thought it was really good that it didn’t because it’d be another boring day otherwise. Unluckily, despite it being Monday evening with additional kinda shitty weather, a lot of people were at that pool, so I had to flee. Yeah, it kinda sucks, but at least I walked all the way back home, burning some calories.

By the way, tomorrow sounds like a good day to start fasting, so wish me luck.


I had enough balls and finally went to that pool. Also, just as I promised, I didn’t eat anything, but I decided to eat every other day of the week instead of not eating anything for several days. My mom also joined me - she now eats every day I don’t. Additionaly, I installed a pedometer app on my phone to count how many steps a day I walk. A little over 3000 this day + there would be several tens of hundreds if I installed it yesterday.


I spent the whole day doing literally nothing, which is kinda bad, considering there are things to do if I don’t want to get kicked the fuck out of the place I’m studying at. I wanted to watch a movie so it’s not so boring, but I couldn’t decide which one.


Did some minor website updates. Other than that, another extremely boring day. Also my mom managed to convice me to stop fasting. She says I need to adopt another schedule, for example, only eat 8 hours a day.


The day was awfully boring, and it made me feel like I’m going fucking insane.


Some time after writing the previous entry, I decided to watch some videos from a newly discovered YouTube channel - Retro Game Mechanics Explained. Listening to his soothing voice somehow managed to make me really happy, and he is the sole reason I could fall asleep with no problem yesterday. Also his videos are really great.

This day passed by kinda quickly, which is great because I still haven’t found what to do. I decided to go to my grandma to watch some movies, but her stupidass TV didn’t see my exFAT USB stick. But at least I walked home from her and burned some calories. I was worried that I wouldn’t walk 10000 steps, but I walked almost 2000 more.


I was told to study once again, which remainded me that I have absolutely no plan on what to do with my life. The day was horrible, and the only good thing about it was a nice nap.


The day wasn’t as boring as usual, but now I’m constantly thinking about what the fuck I’m supposed to do after I fail my classes. I haven’t managed to come up with a scenario that doesn’t involve killing myself yet.


My mom says I’m not completely fucked, but I fail to believe her. The only interesting thing today was my friend making me discover this masterpiece.


Another extremely boring day. Or, at least, it was until I deep dived into YouTube. One of the interesting videos I’ve seen is this video by Pyrocynical, which I regret watching because the movie he reviewed is really great and managed to touch me.


Not much happened except me watching a nice anime and walking almost 9000 steps.


I had to visit my therapist today. I had absolutely nothing new to say, so I was told to come back in January. The rest of the day was spent by overeating and watching YouTube as usual.


After many years of not doing so, I visited a dacha. Not mine, of course, but a dacha. Except the presence of one possibly drunk military person, it was mostly fine - I are some shashlik, swam in the (questionable quality) pool, and walked around the whole settlement. We had a little problem on our way back (there were 6 of us but only a 5 seats in the car), but we were fine.


The day passed by so quickly, I didn’t even notice it. September is only 8 days away, and I still have no idea what to do.


Another boring day. Here’s some music I’ve recently listened to:


I feel terrible. It’s obvious that I’m fucked in the end in any case, so there’s no reason to do anything now. Why should I even try?


My mom insists that I’m not fucked because she has a plan for any case, but that’s just bullshit. With no education, I won’t be able to work anywhere for sure, so I won’t ever be happy in my life. The only logical thing for me to do is to commit suicide. But, whatever, the day was like usual.


I found out the name of the game I played as a child - Домовенок Бу. Other than that, it was another awful day, and I’m thinking of spending the night at my grandma’s house.


So I did go to grandma. Not only I finally went outside and walked over 6000 steps outside + 5000 steps inside, but I also watched Inside Out, an amazing movie, and am currently in progress of watching Gurren Lagann, an amazing anime.


I went back home and spent the whole day watching the rest of Gurren Lagann. That’s about it.


As usual, I spent the whole day trying not to think about what I watched yesterday. Also watching YouTube videos.


I made a TV series journal. I officially being studying tomorrow, and I’m kinda scared.