Things I hate, part 1


Everyone hates some things, and I’m no exception. You’re free to disagree with me on any point, but I’d be really happy to hear why.

Bloated websites

Let’s just start with the elephant in the room, as this website was heavily inspired by various lightweight ones like Best Motherfucking Website. At least in my opinion, statically generated and manually written website show that it’s still possible to stay modern or stay funky without making the browser and server process all of the unnecessary crap. This website has in total one page that uses JavaScript, the credits, which is not even a text page but an art project, and those 10 lines are only used to show a fade-out animation.

So, yeah, people suck and fuck up everything, including the web, but I also want to talk about 2 specific websites: The New York Times and Medium. Those may be not the best examples, but you get the point: why the fuck does a website, which sole purpose is to serve text documents, make my browser have a stroke each time I visit it? This is just beyond me.

Not telling the error message

Unexpected error happened. Contact us or something.

I hate when this happens so much. The anger that I’m experiencing each time is absolutely indescribable. Look, I undestand that your app aims at the largest audience possible, but is there any specific reason to not tell me the error message? Don’t you think there are power users that happen to be using your goddamn app? What if the problem is on my side, how am I supposed to fix it if you don’t tell me anything?

Quite often this problem exist in a form like this:

Unexpected error 0x0002b375

Just why? Tell me the motherfucking error message, don’t make me browse your error code listing, which probably won’t even help a bit in the end. It’s okay to just print a little bit more text on the screen, we’re not living in the 70s or something, where literally each bit is precious and must be saved no matter what.

Voice messages

From technical things, let’s get more into casual ones. Voice messages really annoy me, especially when they’re recieved at the worst moment possible. I know that you’re a lazy piece of shit, and you don’t even want to touch your keyboard, but do you really think I’m always ready to listen to your garbage no matter what? What if, in contrast to you, I don’t want to annoy people in public places with random voices? And I’m not even talking about voice messages being impossible to search by their contents, taking more bandwidth, and being more difficult to archive.

The future would be really better if we had built-in transcription services in our messengers. That would not only fix all of this shit but also make them more accessible. Someone, of course, is going to fuck everything up by putting the whole process in the cloud, sacrificing users' privacy, instead of doing that locally, but let’s just hope there will be adequate solutions.

Excessive punctuation

I just walked my dog… That was a good walk… I’m so happy…

Or even better

WARNING!!!! Very important information!!!! Don’t touch this file!!

Many of older people (or at least so I think) do that, and I really want them to stop. I know you may actually be such a slow talker or scream the whole time, but punctuation exists for a reason. Exclamation marks and ellipses are made to reflect a change in intonation to emphasize something. If your whole sentence is emphasized, then none of it is. Just use periods for fuck’s sake.

And if you thought that was bad, wait until you see this:

Haha)) What a funny joke))))))))))))))))

You may think that the person has problems with their keyboard, but it’s actually a Russian truncated smiley. So if you have

Hello :)

it becomes

Hello)

And if you’re a complete moron, it becomes

Hello)))))))))))

Come on, is it really that hard to just type a singular regular smiley? No, it’s not :) If you use this shit unironically and don’t feel bad about it, I have no faith in you, just go fuck yourself.