As you can see by how much time passed since last blogpost, I ran out of ideas. However, I still have an ace up my sleeve that will allow me to write at least one article - my journal. So let’s just jump into it and answer some questions about my journal that may or may not have been asked to me.
Your website’s design is awful and makes my eyes burn
It was done on purpose. I did my best to make the website as unbearable to look at as possible. The backgrounds and the colors were carefully picked to look as cheesy as you can imagine. And the reason behind all of this is simple - I really like the ’90s web design. Nowadays, almost no one makes websites that genuinely look like they were made 25 years ago, and I decided to be the one who does.
But hey, if you really don’t like it, I have good news for you. Each page of my website has a secret theme switcher. All you have to do it is find it, and boom, you have your average boring website with good design. Though, the different theme will only change the UI and won’t change the minimalist hierarchical structure behind it, but I assume you won’t have much trouble with it.
Why don’t you put new entries before old ones?
This was also done on purpose. The main reason behind it is that I’m lazy. It’s just easier to add stuff to the end of the file. However, if you’re not satisfied with this explanation, here’s another one: The chronological order is how real diaries work. In a paper journal, you always add stuff to where you last stopped and never the opposite. After you finished the journal, you most likely will just leave it stacked on top of your old ones so that the newest one will end up on top. Does it remind you of anything? Yes, my online journal acts in the exactly the same way. Years are sorted reverse chronologically just like your physical diaries, and entries are sorted regular chronologically like your physical entries. Therefore, my “broken” scheme actually does a better job a mimicking an actual journal.
Why do you barely use paragraphing?
Surprisingly, this one was also done on purpose. This reason behind it is even simpler - if I do it, it won’t be an authentic experience. My diary acts as a storage for my stream of consciousness, and if I think while writing it, it won’t be genuine. For the same reason, I never spell check my diary entries after submitting them. I understand that it makes it harder to read, but hey, you’re reading a mad person’s ramblings and not Shakespeare, so it’s perfectly fine.
Your rating system sucks
It indeed does, and there are several reasons for that:
- I’m an easily impressible child. To get a high rating from me, all you have to do is make the plot as simple as possible, make the characters obvious and one-dimensional, and add an excessive amount of explosions and blood. There’s not much I can do with it, and it’s not like I even want to.
- I’m biased towards old school stuff. 16 mm film, traditional animation, and practical effects are all my jam. I can’t help but rate things that have it higher. They look objectively better to me even though they aren’t. But to lower my ratings would be to lie about my feelings, so I don’t do it.
- I’m inconsistent. I mainly rate everything based on how good of an impression it left on me, but I also do take how “objectively good” something is into account. As you can tell, I don’t do it perfectly consistently. I’d do a better job at it, but that’d require me to put effort into it, and I’m not a big fan of it.
- I like my broken scale. An entire half of it is dedicated to shit, but I rarely watch shit, so it doesn’t get used often. Still, I don’t want to change it because it’s basically how everyone else does it. Yes, that technically means that the average is 6/10, but I don’t care.
How did you start your journal?
It all started on February, 2020. I browsed so many Neocities websites that I was more than certain that I also need my own one. I added my anime journal and my blog there but decided to expand it a little bit. One of the ideas off the top of my head was a diary that I could later show to my therapist so they can tell what is even wrong with me, so I added it. As time went on, I got carried away and added too much stuff there, and now that’s what I’m stuck with. But don’t get it wrong, I still like how it ended up.
Do you read other people’s diaries?
No? At least not consistently. I tried reading other people’s thoughts everyday a few times but gave up quickly. I don’t get much inspiration from knowing everything about other people’s lives, and it’s also extremely hard to force myself to concentrate on something for more than 4.2 seconds. For this reason, I only check them once in a while. Like, maybe once a month. In fact, I also don’t even read my own diary at all. I do read media journals though but only in order to spell check stuff.
How often do you journal?
Every. Single. Goddamn. Day. Regardless of how shitty the day was or how tired I am, I always leave some diary entry. After I watch or play something, I also leave an entry even if it’s insignificant or so bad I don’t want to write about it.
How much time do you dedicate to journaling?
Writing an entry takes anywhere from 5 to 20 minutes depending on how eventful the day was. I have free time, so finding some to write an entry is not a big problem. For example, I often do it while taking a shit or before going to bed. The entries themselves don’t get posted straight to my website, though they used to. Instead, I write everything in a special VK conference, from where I later copy the entries to the website, which I do every, like, 3 or 5 days.
How have you not stopped doing it yet?
The secret ingredient is crime. Sometimes, I actually forget to write an entry, so I cheat by writing it as early as possible the next day while I still can remember what happened. For this reason, it means that while my diary is seamless with not a single day skipped, I haven’t been technically doing it everyday. But shhhh, don’t tell anyone.
Another secret ingredient is, of course, determination. I just force myself to do it because I like collecting entries, and losing a streak would suck.
Are you going to stop at some point?
Realistically, I will, but I’m gonna try my absolute best so it doesn’t happen. My aim is to keep doing it until my very death. I want my every single day of existence to be documented, and considering how it’s been going so far, it doesn’t sound like something completely implausible. Let’s cross our fingers and hope that the dream comes true.
What impact has it had on your life?
Close to none. I did show the diary to my therapist, but they barely even looked at it. I gained a few followers on Neocities, which is pretty cool, but I barely even talk to them because of how shy I am, and some of them even unfollow me, which is understandable because my website is very unorthodox and I’m incredibly unattractive as a person. The only thing I consistently get from journaling is writing practice. But does it mean it’ll stop me? No. I’ll keep doing it even if no one reads me and in spite of the lack of purpose.
Why don’t you use a paper journal?
There are a lot of reasons, but here are some:
- Money. Paper journals and pens cost money. I have none. Doing it on a computer is much cheaper.
- Ease of use. Punching keys on a keyboard is much easier than forcing myself to scribe stuff on physical paper, which I hate.
- Robustness. A digital journal is much easier to edit and, assuming it’s either public or you often back it up, it’s much harder to lose than a paper journal that can drown or burn.
And, of course, the main reason is:
- Sharing. If my journal was on paper, you wouldn’t be reading it. Making the journal a website is the only good way to share it with other people so they can actually read and copy it. And no, taking photos of a paper journal isn’t a way to do it. It’s an order of magnitude less convenient for both the author and the reader.
Why is your journal public?
First of all, as I mentioned, I don’t read it myself. If there was no way for other people to read it, it’d lose it purpose. But if there is a way, both I and the readers are happy. I get a chance to vent, and other people get a chance to laugh at an idiot. Isn’t that something to be wanted?
Second, the archival purposes. Making something public is the only way to make something impossible to lose. If something is on the Internet, it stays on the Internet forever. I really don’t want my journal to be lost or forgotten, so I use the most radical way of preserving it.
Do you care about other people reading it?
I’m what you may call an emotional exhibitionist. I not only don’t care about other people reading it, I appreciate it. It brings me joy knowing other people know how I’ve been doing. Feel free to read my journal as much as you want and don’t forget to share it with your friends.
Don’t you think you share too much personal information?
Don’t worry, I’m not a complete idiot. For obvious reasons, there are things I don’t share with you, like for example, where I live or what I spend money on. I also don’t share other people’s private information because I’m not an asshole and respect other people’s privacy. The only thing I share is my deepest feelings, which as I mentioned, I only appreciate being spread.
Are you going to eventually make it private?
No. In fact, I did as much as I could to make it impossible. I mirrored the repo of my website to multiple platforms and even uploaded to the Internet Archive. If my journal ever goes offline, it’s either because of an unlikely DMCA strike or me being hacked. If this ever happens, I just told you where to look for.